Here’s what you should know about what’s going on with Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Basically it’s a very messy Hollywood divorce and obviously dramatic considering it involves two beautiful people who get paid to be dramatic for a living. But the difference between this divorce and like, the conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth and Chris is there’s some pretty serious domestic abuse allegations involved.
Depending on who you ask, friends of the couple will say that Johnny’s a sweetheart that wouldn’t touch a fly and Amber’s brought out the worst in him/is lying, or that he’s volatile and Amber was mistreated. Okay, as good as friends as you might be with a couple, can we all just for a second remember that nobody really knows what goes in with couples except for the couple themselves? I mean, think about how easy it is to say “he’s great!” when your friends ask you how the guy you’re seeing is, even though you literally just got in a fight about you hanging out with your platonic male friend. It doesn’t matter who’s bringing out the worst in who, if two people are being “the worst,” um, you should not be dating each other.
Anyways, no matter who you ask, everyone agrees that the relationship wasn’t going great. So shit was getting messy and they weren’t a good fit for each other. But it turns out it was more than Chuck and Blair bad, it was more like Bradley Cooper and his ex-wife before Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook bad. Yeah. Then last week, Heard filed for divorce. For anyone saying that she’s just after his money, you’d think staying married would be a more financially viable option, right? Nah, we think shit was going down for sure, and whatever it was had to be enough to make Heard decide she had to GTFO ASAP. Side note, all this is happening a day after Johnny Depp’s mom died, which is like, so sad, but also not necessarily relevant if you really think about it.
So Amber files for divorce and a restraining order because she is afraid of Johnny Depp due to his alleged abuse, such as throwing an iPhone at her face. Johnny’s lawyers come back with this statement: “Given the brevity of this marriage and the most recent and tragic loss of his mother, Johnny will not respond to any of the salacious false stories, gossip, misinformation and lies about his personal life.” IDK about you, but mentioning the death of family members feels to us like a total distraction. It’s like when a bro acts like a dick and then texts you “sorry, work’s been crazy”. Hmm, RIP Mama Depp, but what’s that have to do with your abuse allegations? Yes, it sucks that work’s been crazy, but why did you call me a lying slut? I don’t follow.
After all this was made public, the internet has been going crazy taking sides. We’re trying not to take a side, because like who really knows what happened? The truth is probably somewhere between everyone’s stories. But even though we’re not taking sides for Amber or Johnny, we are def going to shut down the haters that think they have the answers.
We’re talking about internet commenters that are accusing Amber Heard of lying to get more out of the divorce. Oh yeah, because as history has shown us, lying about domestic abuse is a super fun way to get attention. Uh, you guys realize this is Amber Heard right? She’s a gorgeous actress who already gets plenty of attention. And remember Rihanna? People believed her story bc the evidence was pretty hard not to, and Chris Brown is still selling platinum records. So like, tell us again how these allegations are going to ruin Johnny's career.
It’s not only internet commenters that have taken sides though—many celebrities have come out to speak on behalf of each side. Johnny Depp’s ex, Vanessa Paradis, wrote this statement: “[Depp] is a sensitive, loving and loved person, and I believe with all my heart that these recent allegations being made are outrageous. In all these years I have known Johnny he has never been physically abusive with me and this looks nothing like the man I lived with for 14 wonderful years.”
And comedian Doug Stanhope wrote a letter saying Amber Heard was full of bullshit. Look, we loved Pirates of the Caribbean too, but considering Johnny Depp’s famous for being a great actor, there’s a pretty good chance he’s really good at acting in his real life as well. Look, we’ve seen Heathers. Friends aren’t always what they seem, and it’s not your fault for not knowing that.
It’s hard for us to say what really happened, so we won’t. But consider the fact that there are much easier ways to get money other than subject yourself to accusations of being a slut and a liar on the internet, and it seems less likely that Amber Heard is completely lying. So maybe she is blackmailing him, who knows. But that would mean he did some pretty shitty stuff in the first place. Because in order to be blackmailed, you need something to be blackmailed with.