So I want to start out by saying that every American Girl Doll is at least a little bit betchy because they are expensive as fuck and don’t do anything. They come with tons of accessories, which are also extremely expensive and if you want to take your narcissism to a whole other level, you can shell out even more money and get one that looks exactly like you. Then you can buy matching outfits for it and sleep with it in the same room as you and talk to it and love it and tell it your secrets until the doll gets more and more powerful and suddenly you’re the doll and she’s the human. Or something like that. IDK because my mom would never buy me a lookalike doll and now she and I don’t speak.
Anyway, here’s the definitive ranking of the AG’s betchiness. Feel free to tear me apart in the comments. If you disagree, remember: this is a satirical article about a line of historical children’s toys. Fucking chill.