May 18, 2015
So unless you live under a rock (read: don't have an Instagram) you've been bombarded with the celebrity cameo posters for Taylor Swift's new music video, Bad Blood. She premiered it last night at the Billboard Music Awards, and people lost their shit.
For some quick background, the song is about Katy Perry being a scum sucking whore. Basically, Katy stole one of Taylor's backup dancers right before Taylor went on tour. They've traded not-so-subtle call outs in interviews for the past year, but everything was simmering down. That was until Taylor released Bad Blood and said in an interview that it was about a girl that tried to sabotage her professionally. K.
So Taylor calls up her celebrity friends and asks them to be in her music video. The subtext is that Taylor's clique of models/actresses will destroy Katy and her left shark. The amount of leather, black eyeliner, and red lipstick in this video is enough for the entire Broadway run of Chicago.
The video starts with Taylor aka Catastrophe and Selena Gomez aka Arsyn breaking into an office building. Then Arsyn betrays Catastrophe and pushes her out of the window. Taylor is then rebuilt by 3 Hailee Steinfelds or The Trinity (fresh off her role of ruining Pitch Perfect 2). Taylor then joins her group of femme fatales in their training labs. What follows is 3 seconds per celebrity, just so Katy knows that Taylor's clique is the size of a third grade class.
The video was definitely inspired at a Taylor Swift sleepover with her besties, where they were def writing in the burn book about whatever slight Twitter wrongs had happened that week. But because she's a multi-millionaire, Taylor made that wine induced dream a reality. All of the girls have new super hero names, some of which are infinitely better than others. Gigi Hadid is Slay-Z, which is the best thing since triangl swimwear, and Cara Delevingne channelled Blair Waldorf as Mother Chucker.
The truly amazing part of the video is Kendrick Lamar's aka Welvin Da Great rap verses. Like, we already know that homeboy is desperate for money (see his Beets Don't Kale My Vibe Salad), so his cameo is a bit like indentured servitude. He's the only testosterone in the entire video, and he kills it.
The video ends with Taylor and her MVBs meeting Selena and her faceless army (John Mayer?) in the desert. So now it's all tied up. Katy:1 and Taylor:1. Your move Katy.