June 3, 2015
You thought texting your roommate from across the room to bring your hungover ass a bottle of water was as lazy as it gets, but you were wrong. Introducing: "Fooji," I could make a bad bottled water joke here but I'm just gonna tell you what it is: an app that lets you order delivery with emojis.
That's it. Not sure if this is the best technological advancement since the last iPhone, or the worst idea since Flappy Bird, but I guess time will tell. Personally, I have never looked at my phone's emoji and thought the little spaghetti icon looked particularly appetizing, but I guess being able to have a wine glass delivered to me with the press of a button would be pretty clutch.
Here's how Fooji supposedly works: You create an account that links to your Twitter. Then when you get the munchies you tweet an emoji to @gofooji. Fooji then will pick out menu options in your area that have that emoji as an ingredient (using ninja magic, I presume), and then you can get your mystery meal for only $15. I'm actually like, surprised. $15 is really not that bad for a meal with delivery fees; pretty sure my Domino's order came to more than that (but I don't remember paying for it or ordering it so it's like it never happened).
Did I get you all excited to use Fooji and never have to speak to a delivery guy again? Good, because then I can take extra delight in dashing all your hopes and dreams. For one, Fooji isn't real yet—it's only in the beta testing phase. Who knows if it will ever live up to its own hype. Also, Fooji will only be launching in New York, so lazy betches everywhere else will just have to use Seamless like normal people.
Before I get on board with Fooji, I have a few follow-up questions: What happens if I tweet the eggplant emoji? Will I get like, eggplant parm delivered, or will I get a hot delivery guy? Also, what happens if I tweet a non-food related emoji? Like if I just tweet one of the racially diverse faces, will I get that race's corresponding cuisine? I have a lot of questions, is there somebody I can email?
Yeah, I feel like this was designed to save time and effort but using Fooji might be way more effort than it's worth. A+ for effort, though. I feel like the writers of Wall-E are probably reading this story right now and ominously whispering to each other, "Ahh, yessss, the future is playing out just as we had imagined.".