Another Thursday, another AYTO Second Chances recap—a show I will begrudgingly admit I am into. If you’ll recall, last week Hayden solidified himself as Fuckboy of the Year, which is saying a hell of a lot given the makeup of the United States government rn.
Adam: I’m not surprised they got eliminated. I think Carolina’s as dumb as a squirrel, no disrespect to squirrels.
Way harsh, Tai.
Asaf: YEAAAA BITCHESSSS I’M STILL HEREEEEE!!!
Adam is like “you guys are so cute, you should kiss each other.”
Kaylen: Don’t push it, dude.
Asaf: I want to run through fields with Kaylen.
Kaylen: Asaf has the attention span of a goldfish which I worry is going to keep him from giving me attention at all times.
Mike is still trying to convince us that he’s the type of guy to smash and dash, which for the record I do still not believe.
Tori hopes that if she keeps winning challenges Morgan will love her again, sounding like every girl in a romantic comedy. She also keeps interrupting their pillow fights to be like “Are we friends again?” Like, girl. Stop blowing up your own spot. How many people have pillow fights with non-friends? Just keep it breezy.
Using a map and their eyes, they have to…cross a semi-busy road.
JK, but basically. Ok actually no. They have to swim through mud, get a bunch of bicycle parts, BUILD A FUCKING BICYCLE, then ride it to the finish line. Finally, a challenge someone with an elementary school education couldn’t do in their sleep.
Tori is KICKING MORGAN’S ASS. YAS QUEEN. FEMINISM. Tori is low-key my strong female role model.
Devin is actually encouraging Rashida which I’m honestly very surprised to see. What was it he called Kiki again? Oh yeah... a puppet.
Adam: Essentially Shanley is just amazing and I’m only OK but when I join forces with her I’m amazing too.
All guys in the friend zone, take note. Saying Nicholas Sparks shit like this is only gonna put you deeper in the friend zone.
Mikala says “I’m gonna need to pace myself the whole time” aka “I’m gonna drag my ass.”
Asaf is going through this obstacle course like “Do you think Kylie Jenner and Amber Rose did all this? No they didn’t and you’re so much more beautiful than them.” I think I speak for all of us when I say: huh?
Tori and Morgan are literally IN A RACE TO THE FINISH and Tori’s yelling at Morgan to slow down. Like bitch, what? IT'S A RACE. Race means go fast.
Devin and Rashida come in first and Devin voms.
Tori and Morgan get second. Cam and Mikala get third.
Adam and Shanley don’t place and all of a sudden they’re like “yeah [the other person] sucks, IDK why we’re a match.” Visual depiction:
Shanley is like “these challenges aren’t helping us get closer, we’re just working together” aka when your roommate thinks you’re besties and then overhears you tell your friend “yeah we’re not friends or anything but we live together well.”
And despite Mike and Alicia bitching at each other the entire challenge, Asaf and Kaylen come in last with Asaf yelling, “Everything is possibleeee!!!” Jesus Christ. I tried, guys.
Kaylen: He pisses me off with his goofy shit and I’m a bad-ass bitch.
^This is legit me.
Asaf: Shut the fuck up, bitch.
I audibly gasped. Asaf, you're better than that!
Kaylen’s like “I felt like I was gonna fall off the bike.”
Asaf: Did you fall? Did you fall tho? You fall? Did you? Did you fall?
Kaylen: Karamo back me up here.
Kaylen is gonna act like Asaf cracking a few jokes is making them lose challenges but come the fuck on, have you seen Asaf’s body? Ain’t no way he’s the reason y’all are coming in last in 10K races. If Kaylen doesn’t want Asaf as her match, I’ll take him. Just saying. @Karamo
K why am I supposed to care about Rashida having a sex dream about Devin? This is AYTO, not 50 Shades. Leave me out of this shit. Please stop, MTV. This has got to be the thirstiest maneuver I’ve ever seen.
Shanley is like "Do you love Devin?" OBVIOUSLY. Rashida has loved Devin since she set eyes on him like, two years ago. I know it. You know it. Devin probably knows it.
Alicia's in a bad mood and mad at Mike. What else is new. Alicia is like "I'm sick of telling him how to talk to me. How to deal with me." Newsflash, bitch: If this guy needs to develop a special language and pattern of behavior to converse and "deal" with you, you are the problem. All he should need to do is talk to/deal with you like a respectful adult; you should not have to come with your own communication handbook. Like, what are the odds that Alicia's cover photo on Facebook is "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"? Let's take bets in the comments section. Alternatively, you can tweet @betchesluvthis.
Devin is trying to convince Morgan to go in and steal the money from Tori. DON'T DO IT, MORGAN. You and Tori are too cute! They're idiots, though. They should obviously vote in Mike and Alicia because they are on thin fucking ice.
Devin creeps around the corner and is like "Take the steal, Morgan!" and Tori is like "If we get voted in tomorrow, there's gonna be a double steal." Tori asks Morgan if she can really trust him which is a litttleeeeee hypocritical. Morgan is also like "Tori is very emotional rn" which is Class A gaslighting. Like, you just told her you'd probs steal and you're gonna say she's being overly emotional for thinking you're gonna steal?? Morgan is basically like "I'm not saying I'm gonna steal, but I'm not not saying I'm gonna steal" and then is like "Why don't you trust me??" Men: in a nutshell.
Kaylen is like "I'm learning to be more patient and compassionate in this competition which I've never had to do in my life before." Some of the girls they pick for this show, man...
Alicia is like "ugh I guess I like Mike a little bit" aka what every girl who's friend zoning a guy for free meals says when he starts to get fed up with being her meal ticket.
Devin: The dinosaurs went extinct because years ago before we were reincarnated into our true selves, Rashida and I had sex and the world just exploded.
Karamo: Y'all are fucking weird. Welcome to the choice.
And the couple going in is... Morgan and Tori. Damn is Devin the puppet master of this game or what?
Tori: Whatever you decide to do is fine but I'm never gonna hit steal, ever.
Strong words from the girl who JUST SAID there's gonna be a double steal.
Morgan: I like, 98% believe you on that. You dated my roommate and you lied to me about it so like IDK dude.
Honestly I think Morgan talks a big game but deep down he's just a big softie. Let's see if I'm right.
Tori chooses.... Share.
Morgan chooses... Share!!! I knew it! I actually just got the warm and fuzzies tbh.
Unfortunately that means Asaf and Kaylen are going home with nothing. I for one will miss Asaf's butchered idioms. Asaf is like "Nooooo I don't wanna leave!!!!" and I bet they had to get two camera guys to literally drag him out of that house. Never change, Asaf.