September 13, 2014
Former betch of the week, Ariana Grande, is apparently being a grande-sized bitch to people as of lately. Which is pretty surprising, since the girl looks like a fucking seventh grader and wears go-go boots.
According to multiple fans, Grande brushed those peasants away when having a meet and greet. The fans (who btw entered a contest, probs on the back of a Lunchables packet, to meet Grande and won) were kinda like wtf is your problem bitch?
Obviously Grande’s managers never explained to her the meanings of the words “meet” and “greet,” because she did neither of those things for the contest winning fans. She permitted the girls to each take one selfie (probably with no filter, that bitch) and was like “oh delete those btw.” The girl then proceeded to give Ariana a painted picture as a gift, which is both weird and leads me to think the contest winner was actually Todd, from Wedding Crashers. “It’s called “Celebration” - it’s sexual and violent. I want you to have it.”
The best and most frequent accusation is the issue of Ariana’s “good side.” Apparently, Ariana is not an ambiturner, and has an issue looking to the camera on her right side. She has reportedly asked interviewers to move sides, so that her left side is the one facing the camera. According to sources, she’s really insecure about the fact that her right side lacks a dimple and therefore it cannot be seen. If it doesn’t show up in any pictures, it doesn’t exist, right? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Grande has flipped out on photographers and more about the showing of the side-which-must-not-be-named. The only realistic option Grande has is to audition for the role of Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Her manager says that she’s really adamant about the whole “good side” thing. Fuck, he acts like every time Ariana shows her right side, a baby cries in the distance.
If I was Grande, maybe I would cut the whole diva act for a hot second. As a betch, I fully appreciate being a diva and all, but I’m also not a fucking idiot. Grande is famous for her singing voice, yes, but for also being the cute little fucker from Nickelodeon. Since a majority of your fan base is still wearing a bra from Justice, maybe you should keep up the sweetheart act for a little bit.
Although, Buzzfeed reported that several times in the “Breakfree” video, Ari gave the world a glimpse of the dark side of the moon, that is her right side. MAGNUM!