July 9, 2012
First, I'm in love with your website and twitter account. Second, I have a serious stage-5 clinger on my hands. Like Saran wrap coming over to my apartment in the middle of the night because I didn't text him back clingy..... What's a gay Betch to do? He's a super nice guy but like I can't deal with that! I'm not medicated enough for this shit and have way too many social responsibilities.
I need another Xanax gay
PS: He's not too cute
Dear I Need Another Xanax Gay,
Thanks for the flattery, but don’t get too excited. We wouldn’t want you to ruin your seersucker short shorts. As far as your clinger is concerned, either you really are that cute, or you’re being way too nice. Like you said he was a “super nice guy,” but you obviously are a nice guy too or else you would stop being such a fucking tease. You’ve clearly given him the impression that he had a chance just so you could boost your own self-esteem. Like omgggg this guy wants to fuck me and it’s soooo annoying. You really don’t need another Xanax, you need to make it clear that you’d rather get blown by Dakota Fanning (before she got her braces off) than letting him anywhere near you or your dick. You may think you’re in some weird gay friend zone, but he obviously doesn’t think the same.
Or there may be the chance that you’ve already fucked him. In which case, stop fucking complaining; it’s your fault that you got desperate enough to sleep with him. In this case, you’re going to have to get aggressive. This can include: “accidently” sending his gross really-awkward-angle nude pix to everyone you know, making out with much more attractive guys in front of him, and/or casually mentioning in a conversation with him what a laughable, drunken mistake it was to hook up with him. If he still is holding on through that whirlwind of social “homocide”, then you might want to get a restraining order. Or, oh, we don’t know, stop talking to him?
We wish you the best! Kisses (vomit).
The Gay Guys
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