October 9, 2012
Dear Head Pro,
So I’ve kind of gotten myself into a bit of a mess. I’m newly single (for the first time in 2 years) and my friend suggested that I join this online dating site. I talked to a few bros, went on a couple dates and then deleted my account like two weeks later because I was bored and over it, but I’m still talking to one of the guys I met on it. He seems chill and we’ve been talking every day for the past two months. He’s asked me on dates but every time we plan something, he always has to babysit or it somehow doesn’t work out. I kind of got frustrated at the whole situation and stopped making an effort, but he keeps hitting me up. Is he not making time to spend with me because he’s just not that into me? And if so, then why does he keep talking to me? Also, I’ve noticed he’s still on the dating site where we met. Should I be concerned? Should I just get over this bro?
Dear Cyber Sex-less,
Ah yes, online dating. I actually did online dating for a while a few years ago, so I can relate, kind of. Before you scoff, realize that online dating, for pros at least, is a gold mine. It’s a great way to source out dates/potential conquests without doing a lot of work, which is easy to do if you can write a coherent sentence and don’t mind lying about your preferences and accomplishments in your profile (which I don’t). Plus, you could filter it to search for just Asian girls which I thought was a really thoughtful feature on the part of the web designer.
The question of whether or not you should be concerned depends on what you’re potentially concerned about. As an online dater (and also a girl, presumably) you’re aware of how many emails you can receive per day. Well, someone’s sending those emails, and it’s bros like him. Because most guys on dating sites are fucking idiots/creeps, if this guy was able to get your attention he was likely able to do the same with other girls. What happens then is you start to develop a sort of hierarchy or pipeline, with girls ranked most to least desirable (I know the betches featured a post with one guy who took this WAY too far and actually used a spreadsheet). What I’m guessing is that you’re somewhere in the middle of his list, and when he manages to make arrangements with a newer, more exciting prospect he bails on you. Kind of shitty, sure, but not totally reprehensible.
So should you be concerned? I mean, yes, if you have designs on roping this bro into a real relationship, because not only does that not seem to be his MO, but is also a little premature on your part. If you’re just interested in casually hanging out until you get a better feel for him, then fine, no harm no foul. Just keep in mind that it’s entirely possible he’s meeting up with you immediately after dipping his pen into someone else’s ink.
Dear Head Pro,
I don't know what to do, to be honest. My problem seems ridiculous but actually it's a big burden for me. Also excuse my grammar, English isn't my first language.
I know this sounds like I'm acting superior or something (I'm not acting because I actually am), but I would say I'm definitively attractive, at least to guys. I know very well that a lot of guys are interested in me and find me exciting and even fascinating. To make a long story short: I'm a young and smoking hot Betch - intellectual giftedness included. I don't know why it's the way it is, maybe because of my personality, maybe because of my eyes, I don't know, but that's another story. Guys often tell or text me how good I look, what a wonderful face or body I have, how fascinated they are because of my charisma or the music I'm listening to. Some guys are even simply speechless because they are that thrilled by me.
So, I think everyone is wondering now "What the fuck is that narcissistic Betch's problem?!" The problem is: That's all!
They tell me how great I am and that's the end. They don't want to meet me, to make out, WHATEVER! They just tell me I'm wonderful and are no longer interested. I feel like a mannequin! "Looksies, no feelsies!"
Even the ones who get jumped by me because they never met such a girl like me before, a girl that "wears nike air max and listens to hip hop and is still classy and feminine and smart", put themselves up with that fact and move on.
I don't get it! Seriously. Am I a mannequin or something? Are they lying to me and simply not interested? (I doubt that somehow.)
The untouchable, narcissistic Betch.
Dear Untouchable, Narcissistic Betch,
Don’t worry about your english, mostly because it’s fine but also because you have a lot more to worry about.
The first red flag for me is that these guys are telling you how beautiful you are after what seems like little provocation. Telling a girl you just met that she’s beautiful screams one thing, and that is “I’m not a bro/pro.” You could put Bar Rafielli in front of me, and while I wouldn’t try to drop some lame pickup artist bullshit on her, I sure as fuck wouldn’t tell her how pretty she is. For one thing, she knows that. Secondly, that’s about as unoriginal and superficial as it gets. The second thing is that any girl who claims to wear Nike Air Max’s, listens to hip-hop, and refers to herself as “classy” may be many things, but I don’t think betchy is one of them. Calling yourself classy is the fastest way I can think of to get yourself uninvited from my party in the Hamptons and instead asked to be a cast member on VH1 or BET (bring your Air Max’s, the script calls for another cast member to steal them!).
Assuming you’ve actually managed to pull of some desirable combination of betchiness and hoodrat, the problem is still rooted in the way you see yourself. Guys aren’t totally stupid, and we know the difference between a girl who’s hot and knows it and a girl who’s trying to convince herself she’s hot and knows it. A girl who’s trying to pretend she’s a narcissist presents to the world a unique and vile combination of the desperation of insecurity paired with an annoying, unearned ostentatiousness usually found in people who truly believe they’re hot shit (and are correct). You know who else is like that? Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore, and no one fucking likes that guy. In fact, the only time people do is when he drops the bullshit and acts like a normal person with normal feelings and vulnerabilities.
I’m guessing that guys approach you, and once they’ve talked to you they lose interest because it’s apparent to them that you’re painfully concerned with coming off as an untouchable, narcissistic betch. If you want guys to see past your looks, give them something to see. Stop trying to be some kind of unique flower who dresses one way, listens to x kind of music, but has x sensibilities. Those labels are for other people to apply to you, not for you to apply to yourself. You can’t act like someone who’s too good for the rest of the world and then expect the rest of the world to want you. Make the rest of the world wants you, and then you can act like you’re too good to give a shit.
Or, it’s entirely possible that you are in fact a mannequin and freeze whenever people talk to you, just like in that movie. I know if I talked to a girl and she turned into plastic, I’d probably say she was pretty and run off too.