May 30, 2012
So I recently graduated college, and have run into a weird predicament that I did not see coming. I had a #18 Fuck Buddy for like a while at school. And (don't flatter yourself, but I read what you say a lot ok?!) I know you don't think girls actually want straight up fuck buddies, but whenever I've been single, I have always had one. Like it might be great for some people to not fuck bros, but I don't give a shit, a girl's got her needs. Anyway, post-grad hookups seem to go differently and it feels like every guy I might hookup with is like ready to settle down now. Not saying I'm absolutely against having a boyfriend, just not exactly dying for a relationship right now. In the meantime, though, I still want to be able to go out and have fun, but the obsessive romantic shit is like the biggest turn off ever. So my question is, do "friends with benefits"as lame as that term sounds....exist after college?
Xoxo,Some Witty & Creative Name
Dear Some Witty & Creative Name,
First, props on your pseudonym. Great way to show your intelligence without doing a lot of work, which is the hallmark of a true betch. Second, good question! That's two weeks in a row now. At this point I'm just waiting for the other fucking shoe to drop, because this is unheard of.
For the first time in the history of Ask a Pro, I have good news: Not only do fuck buddies exist after college, but they're easier to get and maintain. The only real difference is that as a grownup you're supposed to say you're seeing someone, and your time in the sheets is preceded by dinner or drinks instead of grinding to Birthday Cake. The reason is that grownup life is a little more complicated. You have a job that you like, actually have to go to. Between work and making time for your friends, your sex life has to fit into the little space that's left. I don't care if you end up marrying the guy or breaking it off after a few weeks, either way the relationship probably starts with the two of you meeting up once or twice a week for happy hour followed by touching each other in some places.
It's a beautiful thing. For one thing, a lot of girls get more comfortable being out there with their sexuality as they get older, so they won't feel slutty for hooking up with a guy they like the second or even first time they go out. And if not? Who the fuck cares, because no one has to know about it. You're not in college where you're constantly surrounded by the same handful of people. That same lack of proximity also lessens the chances of having an awkward run-in with the guy who passed out on you in the middle of a hookup/the girl who vomited on your junk during a BJ. I'm telling you, being an adult is kind of the shit.
So I signed up to a new 4 week workout plan before my tanning time in Spain with a new personal trainer. We mailed back and forward on facebook about my dietary needs ( I am very particular). Next night in the club, I see this amazing looking guy, he comes over to me and we both say we know each other, but can't place from where - it's the trainer. He obviously asks me to get a drink, and I laugh at his lack of dancing abilities. He invites me to his friend's, I accept, but there is minimal action, I'm no easy betch. Next morning we have some fun, and got on well etc.
My problem: The class starts tonight!! We mailed back and forth some flity facebook mails, but he pointed out I am the only girl going to this time slot for his class, and I can't make the other ones. So it is going to be me and about 6 other guys and this trainer who obviously wants me. And I him, not that I am going to let him be overly aware of this. How do I play this?? A professional relationship? A friend (ha!) Or just kind of ignore him and get on with my workout?
And before anyone comments on not tapping the hired help- you would have to be a blind handless lesbian to pass this up.??Love always,?Confused gym bunny
Dear Confused Gym Bunny,
I've never understood girls who go to personal trainers. I mean, if you want a guy who'll yell at and humiliate you while you're getting sweaty and making weird faces, why not just bang a bro? But still, good for you for taking fitness seriously, or at least kind of.
Honestly I'm more surprised he's the making the advances so soon. It's not unheard of for trainers to start nailing their clients, but usually that takes time to develop. If anything, being the only girl in the timeslot helps, because you won't have other girls noticing any unusual or preferential behavior on his part. The guys will just go about their workouts and not give a fuck about what you two are doing, because that's what bros do at the gym.
If I were you I'd let it cool off for a while and see what happens. When you guys met you were both drunk, and now he's going to see the real you, i.e. sober, no makeup, and exercising. Let him get to know you better before agreeing to see him outside the gym, and even then keep it friendly. Imagine how awkward it would get if you guys had some kind of fight and then had to keep working out, in front of other people no less. Also, you can be damn sure that if you guys get sticky he's going to tell his trainer friends about it, and you'll be that girl that he banged (at least in their eyes).
I get that the guy's hot, but it's pretty fucking lazy to make the guy you pay to tell you you're fat pull double duty as your fuck buddy. Look outside the gym for someone to help you with squat thrusts.