Ask A Pro: Should I End Things With A Bad Texting Bro?

By Head Pro

Head Pro needs your questions in order to answer them. Email him about anything under the sun at [email protected] He's also on Instagram and twitter at @betchesheadpro.

Dear head pro,

So I have been seeing this new guy for about a month, and although we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend we are exclusive. We live about 40 min away from each other so we only see each other about twice a week, which usually consists of dinner and/or hitting the bars and then a sleepover and breakfast. Everything is going pretty well, the sex is good, and we have fun and make each other laugh. The problem is that he isn't the best at texting, it's often me who initiates conversation, and a few times he hasn't even responded. I feel like if you like someone you genuinely probably want to talk to them, but I also don't know if that's possibly just a gender difference? His willingness to drive 40 min to see me has lead me to believe he must like me, but his disinterest in talking is making me think not? I love to hear from him, so why does he so clearly not love to hear from me? Or is it possible he's trying to play games (seems pretty unnecessary to me at this point)?


Textually frustrated

I love it. "We spend all our free time together, and we have fun and are really happy, but he doesn't text much -- DOES HE HATE ME???" I think, probably, that there are some gender differences when it comes to texting, but were you to expand the sample size enough, they would be minute at best. The prevailing thought is that because guys tend to use communication as a means of transmitting information (rather than as a bonding agent), their responses are likely to be shorter and less frequent.

And that sounds about right. I like texting, and don't even mind carrying on a conversation over text, but I'm not one to send big, long, flowery paragraphs via iMessage. Part of that is probably because I had a dumbphone for wayyyy longer than I should have, and getting a text that had to be split in two (thereby interrupting my reply) made me want to drown a koala bear. But it's also because the more verbiage you use, the more your intent gets lost. Plus, the beauty of texting is that you don't HAVE to respond immediately. If I'm in the middle of watching porn, your "hows ur day? :)" text can wait.

So, I think you're fine. You COULD try to gently start a conversation about how important frequent communication is to you, but that's not the hill I'd choose to die on.


Dear Head Pro,

Back in March, my long-time boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. Now that I'm over that, I've been engaging in some pretty spontaneous activities.  I've never been one to put myself out there like that, or go home with a guy from a bar, but I feel like it's time I change my ways. I've had my eye on this seriously attractive guy who happens to be in not one, but TWO of my classes this semester. I finally got the courage to text him at 3AM one night & found myself in his bed shortly after... and then found myself in my own bed by 5:30AM. He warned me before hand that I couldn't stay the night. *cue douche from Bridesmaids*

Literally days went by before I decided to break the ice and text him. To use a double negative, no one never talks to me after doing the deed. Finally he confesses that he's been in "the deteriorating stages of a relationship" for the past few weeks (it all makes sense now), and that he might have made a mistake by having me over. The real issue here is that I don't even care about his crippling relationship.... we both admitted that we had a great time, and I never expected anything to come from it anyway. We've seen each other out a few times since & I still strongly consider finding a way to get back in his bed. It's one of those "I can't have you so I totally want you" kind of things. I've held back on texting him/casually talking to him when we're out because I don't want to interfere with his current relationship (I've never seen this mysterious gf), but I also have needs of my own that for some reason I feel can only be satisfied by revisiting our one fun night. Am I doing the right thing by backing off, or should I just not care and move forward with my antics anyway?


I just want to bang.

Well, I'm glad to see you're handling the breakup in such a calm, stable manner! It's fine, maybe even recommended, to get a taste of free-love when getting out of a long-term relationship, but you're learning the hard way that it takes a certain kind of person to live that lifestyle in earnest. I mean, come on -- you decide you'd like to have some wild oats sown into you, and you've become hung up on the FIRST guy you bang as a mingle-ready single? That's Busch League.

That said, your instinct to back away from this guy is 100% correct. You're right that you don't want to have anything to do with his crumbling relationship, but you also need to get it through your head that there's nothing special about him that can "satisfy" any need you have. You said yourself that half of your attraction to him is because he's never really seemed all that into you (spoiler: guys will fuck a girl they don't care about that much if she's thirsty enough). You also need to come to terms with the possibility that the other reason you're hung up on him is because he happened to be the first guy you fucked as part of your grand experiment.

He's not going anywhere. If his relationship does indeed end, you'll have every opportunity to continue making the questionable decisions you seem hell-bent on making. But if not, I can assure you that plenty of (read: all) college guys will happily engage in NSA sex with a girl who's obvious with her intentions.


Head Pro needs your questions in order to answer them. Email him about anything under the sun at [email protected] He's also on Instagram and twitter at @betchesheadpro.




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