Asparagus Soup: Definitely Healthy

By Betchy Crocker

Two problems betches seldom encounter are a) wanting food and b) being broke. However, sometimes horrible things happen, and a betch needs to be prepared.

Foods of the fast variety are completely unacceptable unless you’re blackout, so for the hungry povo betch who wants to be healthy, I give you asparagus soup. While I realize that doesn’t sound super fucking exciting, maybe it’ll teach you that things don’t have to be super fucking fancy and involved to be delish. Duh.


  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • 2 cloves of garlic, finely minced
  • 1 small onion, diced
  • 1 cup asparagus, cut into 1-inch pieces
  • 2 cups chicken or vegetable broth (get the reduced sodium or don’t talk to me), plus more if needed
  • 1 bunch of fresh thyme, leaves removed from the stems
  • 1 tbsp fresh parsley
  • ½ cup sour cream
  • Kosher salt
  • Fresh cracked black pepper

FYI you’ll either need an immersion blender or a regular blender for this.

In a large pot (I used a large Le Creuset pot because fuck you), heat the olive oil over medium high heat. Add the onion and garlic, sautéing until the onion is translucent. Add the asparagus, and cook until crisp tender. Add the broth, bring the concoction to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cover. Cook for about 10 minutes.

Uncover and remove the soup from heat. Let sit and cool for like, 5-10 minutes, then blend either in a blender or with the immersion blender. If the soup looks too thick at this point, you can add more broth. Once the soup is velvety and smooth, add the thyme, parsley, and sour cream. Stir, then add the salt and pepper to taste.

Hooray! Now you have a spring-tacular soup that like definitely qualifies as healthy. Yippee.




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