Atlanta: Betches Love This City

By The Betches

When betches want to visit or live in large metropolitan centers in the United States, they usually choose NYC, or LA, or Chicago. Atlanta is always overlooked. But it’s the perfect blend of the South and actual civilization. You can hit up bars, clubs, and enjoy the city with the hospitality that comes with Georgia. The music you get high to, and your wannabe thug boyfriend’s favorite jams were probably made in Atlanta. In addition to being the hometown of both Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray, it's also the location of one of the betchiest college full of JABs, Emory.

During the Day

There are no beaches close to Atlanta, unless you’re willing to drive or fly for a few hours, but it has the largest aquarium, and just about everything else. Buckhead, an uptown district, is one of the wealthiest places in the United States, and you can definitely tell. It’s home to Phipps Plaza, stocked with Michael Kors, Tory Burch, and all of your other favorite stores. Celebs have been known to frequent Phipps so don't be shocked if you casually run into the Biebs, Usher, or one of the Real Housewives. You can valet your Range Rover and spend an entire day here shopping. Even its movie theater is actually betchy and has super comfortable reclining seats. Also, people day drink in Piedmont Park when it's nice out, which is 75% of the time.

If you want to pretend you’re actually learning something and making a better person of yourself, you can visit the High Museum of Art or check out the Fox for some Broadway shows. If you like high-calorie drinks, Atlanta has the World of Coca-Cola, and you can try literally all of the Coke flavors like ever made. And speaking of calories, do not order tea in restaurants. The only tea in the South is sweet tea. You could also catch a Braves game after a little day drinking and get on the kiss cam with the hot bro next to you. 

Atlanta is obviously extremely betchy as it has a HUGE #161 brunch scene. The Flying Biscuit is where you want to take your Northern friends to show them that grits are actually amazing, Sun in My Belly is the spot if you're #EatingForTheInsta. Go to Murphy's with your parents or rich boyfriend. Ludacris has been known to show up at Rise n Dine in Emory Village. Highland Bakery is supposedly the best brunch but I wouldn't know though because every time I've tried to go there the line has been over an hour, and nobody's trying to get up at 9am on a Sunday to miss the brunch rush.

You are in the South, so if you want the full experience, and you plan on staying for a while, and you’re kind of old, get invited to a country club.

At Night

Really Atlanta is great for a pretty standard fun night, as in, get dinner at Bacchanalia, go get a few drinks at The Ivy, and crash someone’s bachelorette party at Opera Nightclub.

You can also go to a different neighborhood depending what you’re feeling that night.

Downtown Decatur – You’re either in high school, or you’re kind of old. Definitely not for college kids, and probably shouldn’t go there for a while after your early 20s. But lots of bars and it’s kind of indie. So try to avoid it.

Little Five Points – There are only really three reasons you’re at L5P. You are a hippie, you are homeless, or you are looking for weed and other happy substances.

Midtown – Opera, Reign, Vanquish, Halo, CosmoLava… The list of clubs in Midtown just keeps going.

Downtown – Do not go here at night. You will die. Do not go here ever unless you’re visiting a pro working in a building that’s at least 40 stories tall. It’s safe up there.

Edgewood – Kind of weird, kind of ratchet. Actually, kind of hipster too. But it’s surprisingly fun. Noni’s, Corner Tavern, and Mother.

Buckhead – You should go here. If you want to try a good restaurant, you can find a lot of them here. Restaurant Eugene is pretty good, and if you feel like eating Japanese, but don’t feel basic enough to go to Benihana, try Starfish. The Ivy is also here, as well as Hangovers. The bar, not the condition. Although the latter is also entirely possible.

Virginia Highlands – A lot of Emory kids go here, but it has a lot of classic Atlanta bars, not to mention MJQ, which is really fun if you’re into underground, casual, and ratchet all at the same time.

Things to Keep in Mind

As city-like as it is, you are still in the South, so try not to venture Outside the Perimeter unless you’re going to Dunwoody or Sandy Springs. Going OTP could expose you to rednecks, Westboro Baptist Church sympathizers, and Butts County, Georgia. That’s an actual place.

You think you want to get on MARTA for the experience. Do not get on MARTA. Drive, but also beware. If you go anything less than 80 in a 55 zone, you will get run over or pulled over for going too slow. Good luck on navigating the city. It’s not really on a grid system, and there are 71 roads with the word “Peachtree” in it even though tbh I’ve lived here for over a decade and never actually seen a Peach.




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