Bachelorette: Meet The Bros

By The Betches

The new season of the Bachelorette is approaching and you know what that means: more opportunities to judge people! Yayyy. We're just hoping Desi Arnaz will prove to be a much more exciting bachelorette than Emily Dry Toast Maynard, but we don't anticipate that being too hard given that Emily's most rousing moment was PG rated dirty talk with Jef's muppets. The second F remains to be found.

So, in preparation for the premiere on Monday (and our own recaps of course) we thought we could pre-judge her contestants potential boyfriends.

Guys to watch for:

Diogo: What's not to love about a Brazilian who actually admits that his dream date is horseback riding on the beach? He also has a tattoo that says 'blessed' on his bicep so you know he's like, really deep.

James: You know what a big neck means? Big brains. Oh his favorite author is also Dr. Seuss.

Larry: Claims his biggest fear is being buried alive. His biggest strength must be keeping it light.

Mike R: Says he's a model. You can see his work on the cover of Serial Killers Weekly.


Who we think are going to go far based on almost nothing:

Michael G.



And maybe Juan Pablo, but only maybe.

The Lives of the Party:

Zak W:  When asked what his college experience was like he said, "I didn't party, but I was known for pulling the craziest stunts. I lived on campus for all 3.5 years and was even an R.A. for the last part."

Brad: He's an accountant/DJ. He'll do Desiree's taxes while taking shots to Levels.

Nick R: The token magician. But where did the lighter fluid come from?

Mikey T: Wears a deep V-neck to reflect how deep he plans to get into Des.


If you have predictions of your own leave them in the comments. Remember, this is a judgement-full zone.





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