The Best Bachelorette Recap You'll Ever Read: Week 3

By The Betches

Date with the Pantsapreneur

They're going to grow old together aka dress up in ugly wigs to test out if their attraction can stand the test of time. Unfortunately  Andi thinks walking around asking people to take pics of them in the park is what it's like growing old with someone.

Great idea for a first date Andi make yourself look fucking ugly. Also, why did they have to give old JJ the ugliest hairstyle ever? Like, can't he choose to not have that when he's older?

JJ looks like more like he’s a zombie in Warm Bodies than old.

Old people don’t hobble about as if half paralyzed. They also don’t have voices like they smoke a pack a day.

Pantsapreneur on the thoughts of the children and other people at the park regarding their costumes: “They’re probably thinking who are these old people walking around in old people clothes?” LOL. NOT. 

Andi: I feel like this is what it feels like to grow old together. - No Andi, this is what it feels like to have a bad case of scoliosis.

When they’re dressed as old people for some reason Andi and JJ decide to speak to each other like they’re Michael Scott and Holly in The Office.

JJ officially gets the worst date. Instead of learning to snowboard or chilling on the beach he gets to run around while hunchbacked and sit on a tire swing.

JJ’s old people voice sounds like Oscar the Grouch and Andi sounds like Batman.

Oh you’re a ‘quirky individual’, pantastapaneur? Are you? No better way to land the Bachelorette than telling her that you have social issues and are worried you'll never find love. I hope next week he tells her he’s a registered sex offender.

Omg he just did the Kristen Wiig nervous laugh when she was like we’re going to grow old together.

I can’t believe Ron didn’t say goodbye to Andi before leaving. This season is like the plague, everybody dies.

The kids are like ‘those are MY fucking swings.’

JJ looks like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber. 

Can they discuss something other than like their relationship and what they mean to each other, they just fucking met!

Rose Ceremony

Eric loves talking about their first date, like talk about something else.

Eric: I got cock blocked by a bouquet of flowers. Nick’s impromptu flowers are bachelorette version of Claire fucking Juan Pablo in the ocean.

"This is like real life, like a guy gets you flowers." Yeah in real life I always get flowers from a guy while literally sitting next to a different date on national television.

Really Andrew? A waitress? Lol they're like chasing Andrew around the house.

The fight pretty much went down like this:

"Dude like seriously? Dude really? Really? Seriously dude?"

Andrew: I thought we were all in this together. -  Why would you possibly think that? What are you all in together? Gang bang with Andi?

Not sure why every guy on the Bachelor has to insist that he’s a ‘grown ass man’ when getting into an argument. Real grown ass men don’t need to state that.

Embarrassing that the opera singer gets sent home they week they sing. “I love to be loved and I love true love.” Aww I actually felt really bad when he cried. 

This hairdresser needed to go home like yesterday.

Side note: If I were Andi I'd be insanely pissed that this picture came up at the end of every episode for the entire season. She looks like she's in an ad for Zoloft: 




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