Dear Betch, Is He A Shitty Texter Or Just Not Into Me Part II

Got a fucked-up-but-actually-pretty-simple problem only the betches can solve? Email us at [email protected] and you just might get a response. For more dating advice because you guys truly are helpless, buy our second book, I Had A Nice Time And Other Lies, out now.

Dear Betches,

First of all: best website ever. Y'all are freaking hilarious and I hope y'all are getting compensated greatly because this kind of wit is hard to find. Anyway.. I'm not totally sure if this qualifies as a "bat-shit" crazy problem, but it's driving me crazy nonetheless. I graduated from college not too long ago, and didn't date anyone exclusively until my last year of college. I thought it was the "real deal" despite some near-cheating instances on his part and also just some general unpleasantness.

So after a year of dating this guy, I met another guy at a party and really liked him. I felt SO guilty about having these feelings that I ended up telling  my boyfriend all about them, and he was surprisingly casual and was like "you can't control how you feel." And I was like, fan-freaking-tastic. Best boyfriend ever-he's so understanding. Until the next day when he flipped his lid on me. Things were said that could definitely not be taken back, and it resulted in us breaking up. However, we were still on pretty friendly terms/we were trying to figure things out, so we talk every now and again and it's very friendly and cool. And then, the guy that was the metaphorical straw that broke the camels back sensed my single-ness and came back into my life, and we've been dating/talking ever since. I really like him, and he's different than anyone I've ever liked. He has it together, has a great job, super smart; he is the whole package. But when I think about my ex, I get this guilt feeling in the pit of my stomach and have internal warfare about whether or not to tell him that I am dating someone new. I don't even know if it's necessary to tell him. I need betchy advice.

P.S. I have been told I'm naive so if you spot any psychological issues in my saga above, point them out for me PLEASE.

Not clever enough and too nervous to think of a good signature.

Flattery isn’t going to make me be nicer to you (that only works for the recaps),

But regarding your first bit:

There’s a huge different between “being on friendly terms” with your ex and actively trying to get back together, and from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem like the second situation is happening. That being said, I don’t watch you guys closely (or do I?), I don’t know what’s really going on. Is your ex pining after you, holding off for the day until you two star-crossed lovers can finally be together again? Then you should probably do the nice (ugh) thing and drop him a casual note or whatever to let him know what’s up so he doesn’t waste his time wallowing in misery. Do you guys just text each other every month or two to check in and make sure you’re still alive? I disagree with that choice, but regardless, I don’t see any real reason you need to bring it up. Tbh, if he ever gave a shit about you, learning that you’re kinda dating the reason you two broke up would probably cut kinda deep. If he asks, by all means don’t lie to him, but I wouldn’t volunteer the info either. But, full disclaimer, I’m a shitty person.

Don't ask don’t tell,

The Betches

Dear Betches,

So I’ve already read this article about bad texters and I have to say it’s pretty accurate.  I’m kind of in a similar situation.  I’m a sophomore and I met the most beautiful guy at a bar just over two weeks ago.  We kept eyeing each other the entire time and eventually met through mutual friends setting us up.  He pulled me away from the group we were talking to and talked to only me for the rest of the night.  We clicked.  Eventually he introduced me to his roommate and all three of us were chatting.  Walking back from the bar, I was talking while he grabbed my hand, stopped, and kissed me.  SO cute.  I went back with him (cause little did I know he lives on the FLOOR above me) and I stayed there for two more hours.  The entire time he was flirting and eyeing me while we hung out with his roommate.  I told them I was going to go back to my room, because I didn’t think we were going to go into the bedroom anytime soon, and they freaked out.  They didn’t want me to leave and his roommate kept saying how he was only joking with me because he thinks I’m cool.  The guy I was with assured me of this and offered to walk me back to my room.  We got back, we talked, and he asked if he could go shower (lol to shave his balls - be less obvious) and then come back.  I told him I wasn’t trying to hookup with him that night and he said he wasn’t trying to hookup with me either, he just wanted to come back and be with me.  I said it was up to him, and he decided it would be weird of him.  So as he was leaving, he told me to text him the next day.  I told him hell no I don’t text the guy first and that he needed to text me.  We playfully bantered about that for a minute before he headed out.  I kissed him before he left and he said that he would text me the next day.

Long story short (lol sorry), he didn’t text me.  I ended up texting him the next night and our convo was painfully boring.  I carried on the conversation the entire time and eventually just gave up on it.  It’s not that he didn’t sound interested, he just couldn’t text.  I tried later that week and got the same situation, so I said fuck it, it’s not happening. That next weekend, he texted me (!!!) and even asked to hang out.  We were going to hang out when we both got back from home.  It ended up being too late and the plans fell through.  That next week I drunk texted him at least 3 times.  He told me that we would hang out, and again we never did.  So, again, I said fuck it it’s not happening.  Lone behold though, he TEXTED ME TWICE the next day, apologizing saying he was drunk that night and then said 10 minutes later (double texting) “Let’s hang out.”  Mind you this was in the middle of the afternoon so it wasn’t a booty call.  I guess I was stupid and kind of disregarded the second message and only acknowledged his apology.  Our conversation went to shit again and we never hung out.  I’m going crazy about this.  We clicked so well, and it’s almost the end of the year, so I’m dying to see him before summer.

HOWEVER—here’s the catch.  The first night we met, he shared with me that he’s a senior.  BUT he’s graduating next year, so idk if that really helps with anything.  He also said that he studies all the time and rarely goes out.  That’s why I’m more inclined to think he’s just a socially awkward guy.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is . . . is he a bad texter or just not that into me?  I’m tired of getting false hope every time I decide to just leave it.  Help.

A little bitty sophomore chasing a senior

Dear readers,

I would like to truly apologize for not cutting that ridiculous wannabe romantic comedy wall of text, but unlike the Head Pro, I believe in giving you the full story (mostly so you all know the kind of bullshit I put up with on a regular basis).

To the naive little sophomore who has SO much to learn:

Like, I actually read your whole Twilight fan fiction to humor you/in the hopes that some important detail would be wedged in there, but NOPE. This is so painfully obvious that I’m wondering if I’M somehow the one who’s delusional??

Look, this guy wanted to fuck you. Period. End of story. He tried to take you home to fuck you the night you met, you shot him down, and now he doesn’t give a shit about seeing you again. You did not "click." You just had sexual tension and were drunk. That's kind of what seniors do: they get drunk and fuck. Stop building this night up in your head to be this meeting of destiny, because it really was not. Dude backed off because you weren’t DTF, now that you’re bugging him constantly he’s like, “Meh, I could get my dick wet, let me make promises of meeting up that I will only keep if I get super desperate.” Stop looking for “signs” and “clues” in every banal interaction. With dudes especially, things really are what they seem. You will be a HELL of a lot happier if you take your interactions with men at more or less face value.

Also: you absolutely can still booty call someone in the afternoon—booty calls are not limited to our Earthly conventions of time, so that's not an argument.

There was no catch,

The Betches




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