For The Chilly Betch: How To Make Basic Bolognese

By Betchy Crocker

Adding to the fact that a true betch is always cold, this fucking snow accompanied by temps in the single digits are like, not cool (LOL). I mean, how am I supposed to attract men for cuffing season if I’m bundled up and look like a strange mountain climber and/or Russian czar?

The answer is to stay inside and lure friends/drinking buddies with my amazing cooking which does not impede on my wine time and doesn’t take fucking days to make. And what better cold weather bait is there than Bolognese sauce over pasta? I know you eat pasta like, once a fucking month (tops), but you can totes burn it off on one mile expedition to the nearby club while freezing your ass off. Let’s face it: after all the shit you ate over the holidays, it’s not like anyone wants to see you in a crop top anyway. Yikes.

Basic Bolognese – adapted from betchy Hamptons JAP Ina Garten

  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1 pound ground sirloin (you can get beef but like, ugh)
  • 4 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 tablespoon fresh oregano (you can use dry if it’s all you have)
  • 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1 1/4 cups dry red wine, divided (Merlot would work)
  • 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes, preferably San Marzano
  • 2 tablespoons tomato paste
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil leaves, lightly packed
  • 1/4 cup heavy cream

Heat the olive oil In a big-ish skillet over medium high heat, then add the ground sirloin and cook until the meat isn’t like, raw anymore. Stir in the garlic, oregano, and red pepper and cook for about another minute before adding one cup of the wine into the skillet and scraping up the crap that’s now stuck to the bottom. Add the tomatoes, tomato paste, pinch of salt, and pinch of pepper until all combined. Bring the whole thing to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer for about 15 minutes.

Add the nutmeg, basil, cream, and remaining ¼ cup of wine to the sauce and simmer for another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally until it starts to thicken. Serve over cooked pasta with Parmesan cheese if needed (not needed if sweatpants are all that fit you right now).

Congrats on mastering another Italian classic and accepting that your workouts will be longer.




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