NBD But There Might Be A New Planet

By Jane Duh

Planets are finicky bitches. Sometimes there are nine, sometimes there are eight, now maybe there are nine again. Honestly, I'm still not over the Pluto downgrade but apparently astronomers (not the ones who give you your horoscope) have discovered a f'ing huge potential ninth planet way out in the boonies of the Milky Way Galaxy.

Now, the discovery of this planet has something to do with a whole bunch of science shit that I don't understand but here is what I have gathered - while studying the movements of a bunch of dwarf planets (Plutos), scientists realized that their movement must be affected by a much larger object (the new planet) because, again, science.

The science then moved into the math stage and they were able to use equations and computer models to conclude that this new planet is probably 10 times larger than Earth (sorry for being skinny) and would be the 5th largest planet in our solar system. So far, scientists are calling this theoretical ninth planet "Planet Nine" because we don't pay scientists to be creative.

The ninth planet is 20 times farther away from the Sun than Neptune and isn't on facebook, making it very hard to find but Michael Brown, one of the mathematicians who came up with the aforementioned equations and computer models, is still pretty stoked on it saying, "If other people - better astronomers - get excited about the idea of finding Planet Nine, we could hopefully see it within a couple of years."

After throwing considerable shade at all the astronomers currently working on this planet, Brown went on to say this his daughter was the inspiration for his new project because she "only promised to forgive him for demoting Pluto if he discovered another planet."

Very betchy, astronomer's daughter. Maybe we should name the planet after her? Idk. 




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