April 15, 2013
Every betch knows that gluten is super bad for you. And by bad for you, we mean it's bad for people to think you eat any. You don't need to be Dr. Drake Ramoray to know that gluten is found in mass produced food and therefore, according to the rules of society, is povo. I mean, have you ever heard of a poor person with an opinion on the gluten free pasta at La Giostra in Florence? Exactly.
We know from Wikipedia and our friend who has it that Celiac disease is a really serious thing and it's totally not betchy to make fun of people who are medically forbidden from eating things we'd #5 never eat anyway. However it's not like these people go around wearing a scarlet C, so guess what betches, you too can feel free to be gluten free if you feel like it.
For betches, the gluten-free craze is literally the greatest thing since sliced air. Saying you're gluten free, or actually being it, automatically excuses you from eating most meals without being accused of having an eating disorder. Meanwhile it gives you a down to earth reason to demand that bros buy you vodka instead of beer. Omg I used to love Corona, but now my delicate stomach lining just can't handle the hazardous barley hops!
Being gluten free sometimes is no different than #175 being a vegetarian sometimes or only eating organic, except you won't sound like a less famous Gwyneth Paltrow. You have a real medical reason why you can't possibly eat what everyone has been eating and not dying from for centuries. My doctor doesn't want me doing any activities where bread balls fly down my throat!
So betches, maybe people have been eating gluten for thousands of years but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to. Be trendy, be elite, be gluten free when you feel like it. After all, there's nothing like a little stomach ache to put the small in small intestine.