237. Being Indecisive

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

In addition to being hot, skinny, and approximately 30% iced coffee, another cornerstone of betchiness is the inability to make decisions. Make no mistake, betches run shit, and when it comes to the important stuff we know what we want and we get it. But when it comes to the everyday shit, it’s like whatever.

Being friends with a betch can get out of hand sometimes because trying to decide things like where to get dinner, what to order, where you’re going out, etc. become a giant game of “pass the responsibility” so no one has to pull the trigger and make the choice.

A typical conversation with your average indecisive betch will go something like this:

Betch 1: Where do you wanna go for dinner?

Betch 2: I don’t really care, did you have any place in mind?

Betch 1: Not really, I mean I could go for sushi, but I could also not since I’ve had sushi like 3x this past week. Hbu?

Betch 2: Same.

[3 hours later]

Betch 2: Well now the sushi place is closed so I guess I’ll just have cereal for dinner or something, idk.

Betch 1: OK seriously where are we going out tonight?

Betch 2: I’m fine with anywhere really.

Betch 1: Yeah but I made the decision last time so it’s your turn

Betch 2: [Radio silence]

Being indecisive can get annoying, so why do betches do it? One, betches love responsibility as much as we love radical, sudden changes to Facebook's layout…aka not a whole lot. Making decisions actually is a whole lot of responsibility because if we pick a restaurant, activity, bar, etc. that ends up sucking, the blame’s on us, and then we have to live with “remember that time Jess made us go to Red Mango? Hahaha that was the worst” cracks for the rest of our lives. I guess that's what Spiderman was talking about when he said with great power comes great responsibility.

The other reason we do it is because the rest of the time we actually don’t give a shit, and it’s hard to weigh in on something you give zero fucks about. See: keeping up with the news, hating political statuses, you get it.

Actively avoiding making choices seems like laziness, but really it's a high stakes mind-fuck where everybody avoids saying anything remotely definitive or making eye contact (pretend texting is a major player here) until eventually someone caves and decides what the rest of the group does. Everyone else is silently relieved that they didn’t have to make the move, while also low key disappointed that the decision maker settled on Place A because they kinda wanted to go to place B, but oh well.

The circle of life indecision repeats until everybody realizes it’s too fucking exhausting and starts actually saying what they want, or until the true alpha betch emerges and starts making all the choices from there on out.

And if you’re dating an indecisive betch, good fucking luck because you’ll be deciding what you do on every date from the beginning until the breakup, so no pressure!




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