'Below Deck' Recap: Drag Me To Hell

Taking a break from this post-election depression to do a Below Deck recap, because we’ve just gotta keep on keeping on.

Oh, I definitely missed how Kyle outed his trans girlfriend last episode. I hope that doesn’t put her life at risk or anything.

Kyle: Last night I was showing Ben some videos of me
Me: Where is this going ...
Kyle: Yeah I’ve got quite an open sexuality

Like, I’m sure there’s no way to gracefully come out to people, but this has got to be one of the least smooth ways.

Kyle: I have an open sexuality, I’m not into dudes though.

confused

Kyle has a girlfriend of 2 years but is trying to date Sierra? What the fuck?

Ben is being so awkward about telling Kate about his date. I wonder why...

In this episode: Nobody on this boat understands how sexuality and gender identities work.

Sierra is “hurt” that Kyle tried to get her to go out with him. Bitch what? You rejected him. You don’t get to act “hurt.”

Did these guests plan a surprise drag show, or did the producers plan that for Kyle?

Kate: It’s just funny how life works out
...When you’re on a reality show where half your interactions are scripted.

I wonder how Ashley will feel about Kyle gushing about how much he loves her when like, one episode ago he was all over Sierra.

It’s an hour before the guests arrive and Kate is Skyping Ro? Great idea.

We have two dogs this charter, but are either of them going to be as spoiled as Scupper? Tbt

Drink for the gratuitous boat tour. At this point I could lead this tour. Maybe I should switch careers.

Kate, stop trying to make “bunny pad” happen.

It's not going to happen

Finish your drink because Captain Lee said words he will never again utter all season: "Good job, deck crew. Nicely done."

These guests love corn almost as much as that one lady loved turkey bacon. Honestly I think loving corn so much is worse.

“My face is white and my body is orange” - charter guest or our next president?

Captain Lee: Right now they’re just sitting around waiting for something to happen.

God forbid guests sit around on their own vacation.

Kyle: Sierra’s actions annoy me. Sierra as a person annoys me.

But Kyle is def not butthurt or anything.
Kyle: There’s people doing brain surgery right now and you’re not breaking a sweat. Get a grip on your fucking life.

??????

Do Ben and Emily really need to kiss and call each other baby at work?

Kyle and Sierra are the biggest babies I’ve ever seen.

OK Kyle IS dramatic af, but my face when Sierra called Kyle a queen:

uh oh

Kyle: Not cool bro
Sierra: Sorry not sorry

Ah, casual homophobia. Sierra will fit right back at home in America.

Sierra: I want a drama-free zone

Spoken like someone who starts a lot of drama.

This man who has an accessory closet on a yacht is my hero.

These dogs eat better than I do.

Ben and Emily really annoy me. You work on a yacht 250 feet away from each other. You don’t need to kiss goodbye.

Ben’s brother aka identical voice twin is coming to visit and I can’t wait for this.

At least they installed the slide this time without incident. 10 episodes in and they’ve finally gotten the hang of it.

Drink because Ben didn’t do his job, once again.

Kate: One of the ladies said the conch is too chewy.
Ben: OK whose food do I need to spit in?

Kyle: I have to be careful with seafood

Then why did you eat fucking sea urchin, you idiot.

Kate: Kyle’s supposed to be dragged, not drugged.

A+ wordplay.

Kyle committed the rookie mistake of falling asleep at a party. 

Kyle Below Deck

Kate: I have a feeling this isn’t Kyle’s first gay rodeo.

Gee, what gave you that idea? Is it the fact that he literally told you he used to do drag shows a lot?

Nico: It looks like you ate out Tinker Bell.

Nico should come make memes for us.

Again with the unnecessary knot tying scene

DRINK AGAIN BECAUSE CAPTAIN LEE SAID “GOOD JOB DECK CREW”!!! Wow I wonder if he like, took a Xanax today or recently got laid or ...?

Kyle to Sierra: I see you for who you are, which is OOOOGLY!!

I see you for who you are

Damn, and after all that they got a shitty tip. Well.

Where did that monkey statue come from? Has that been there the whole time?

Why does Ben’s older brother look younger than Ben though?

When I take my eyes away from the screen I really can’t tell who’s talking. This is really fucking creepy.

I see you Sierra, sticking your boobs out when you shake James’ hand.

Thank God Lauren noticed that they have the same voice because I thought I was taking crazy pills.

Emily: Ben’s the manly brother and James is the metro one.

I mean, she’s not wrong about the second half. I don’t know if I’d ever call Ben "manly" given the amount of time he spends acting like a little bitch, but do you.

Things I did not need to know: that Kyle hasn’t rubbed one out in a while. Please keep that shit to yourself.

KYLE STOP.

All the deckhands are wasted and knocking shit over and Lauren’s like “we all need a shot!” Lauren continues to be my spirit animal.

WHY DID BEN JUST TAKE HIS PANTS AND UNDERWEAR OFF IN FRONT OF HIS BROTHER? WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?

BRB gonna go buy some bleach to pour directly into my eyes. Lord help me.

Kill me now

Nico’s taking Fireball to the face and Kyle is like “can you guys please GTFO so I can masturbate?” BRB, gotta vom again.

Nico and Lauren broke the fucking wall. TBT to when Captain Lee told the deck crew good job, because that shit’s never happening again. You fucking idiots.




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TALK SHIT

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