December 12, 2013
As black as a betch's heart may be, there are certain things about the holiday spirit of mid Decembetch that bring a warm light to the cold darkness of night. Mainly, a good holiday movie. This Thursday we're taking a look back at our favorite holiday movies. That is, the ones that have enough comedy and/or A list celebrities to get us through the season where it's socially acceptable to be 'jolly'.
Okay so at first glance this movie is like, 'oh another movie where Vince Vaughn plays a tall asshole who is dating a girl way hotter than him'. Then you see the movie and realize that while that's still true this time, there's enough of comic relief and breast feeding jokes to make this one worth the watch.
What betch could forget the awesome moment in their childhood when they realized that if their parents forgot to take them on vaca, they could just fuck up the house and mess with their neighbors? The only thing scarier than being home alone while two burglars try and break into your house was watching Macaulay Culkin grow into his heroine chic adult look.
Not owning the video cassette tape of Double, Double, Toil and Trouble and To Grandmother's House We Go in first grade was akin to social suicide. Arguably the Olsen twins' most adorable movie, it was obvi a shoe-in for our Holiday list.
As pretty much the only funny/good Hannukah movie that doesn't include like, a retelling of the bible, 8 Crazy Nights was Adam Sandler's amazing/only foray into animated inappropriate feature films. The hysterical song above had us crying tears of laughter even more intense than the Hannukah Song.
Jim Carrey has a way of bringing life to freaks in costume. In addition to getting to see Jenny Humphrey look adorable as an eight year old before she whored it up on Gossip Girl, we got a Christmas movie for kids that, no offense, way funnier than anything Dr. Seuss has ever written.
A movie about a cigarette smoking alcoholic thief that plays Santa? That's obviously going on the list...
A holiday classic. It's one of those movies that you watched when you were younger and is constantly on during the holidays but you'll never watch again...but you'll always remember the kid who got his tongue frozen to the pole, Ralphie getting his mouth washed out with soap, and Ralphie's dad's weird obsession with the leg lamp.
Okay so honestly this movie was a little cheesy for my taste but it was so fucking adorable that I let the fact that Jack Black plays an actual romantic lead slide. Jude Law and Cameron Diaz make up for Kate's pathetic storyline to give us just enough screentime of kids with cute British accents to make this one a classic.
I like to consider Elf as part of the time period BZDBA (Before Zooey Deschanel Became Annoying). Will Ferrell is amazing as the adopted son of Papa Elf who buys lingerie for his real father in an effort to win his affections. He also gave us the perfect description of any blue collar jobs "This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me."
Love Actually gets the number one spot on our list because it has it all. Jam packed with A list actors, Mariah Carey's best song ever, and #94 all things British. Plus if you managed to get 'Christmas is All Around Us' out of your head in anytime less than 2 years, consider yourself talented.