April 7, 2014
So you're out with your besties and a few vodka sodas in when suddenly it hits you: you did not spend three hours getting ready for you not to share tonight’s outfit with social media. It’s time to take some fucking pictures.
This is typically how it goes: You get a guy friend to take one pic..and then, like, two or three more because you honestly don’t care for your leg at that 35 degree squat he insisted on doing. You think you look awesome in Every. Single. Pic. Thus begins the black hole that is drunk instagraming.
Instagram not does just allow us to edit our pics, it also allows us to think we’re really fucking artsy. Therefore, opening insta can dangerous if you’re already a few drinks in. Common drunk insta-fails include:
#clubcanthandleus #7shotsdeep #insertclubnamehere #youllregretthisinthemorning
Instead of posting just one or two you end up posting like ten, most of which aren’t even that good. The blurry shot of your friend drinking out of the bottle is just somehow suddenly good insta-material.
Sure you think your head tilt is different in each one, but it’s the same fucking pic. But in the first one Becca was on the end, and then we, like, switched. No one cares. Sure this may be acceptable on Facebook but this is Instagram social suicide. That 7th group pic of you and your besties will get zero likes, trust me.
All of a sudden you're feeling fucking artsy and start posting the lyrics of the song that's playing. While you think it’s cool at the time, you will definitely regret captioning that pic with the lyrics to “Drunk it Love”. You just look like a try hard.
Remember that weirdo from sophomore year that followed you and now you pity followed back in Instagram? Well in your drunken stupor you think his pictures with him and his mom on their family trip to South Florida are HYSTERICAL...and you can't help but like that shit (ironically). This is nothing if not awkward. The best thing to do is move on and pray he doesn't take this as a sign you guys were meant to be. However, definitely don't 'un-like'. That shit is just awkward.
Proclaiming your love for everything
LOVE this club. LOVE these betches. LOVE this city. Everyone else would LOVE it if this did not bombard their fucking insta feeds.
The only thing you can do about a drunk-insta fail is just delete it once you’re sober. There's no way you can just like, leave up the video of your friend's incoherent rant about why NYC wcabs are totes the worst. That shit got so little likes it's bringing down your average. No one likes an insta loser