Betch Faux Pas: What To Do If You Drunk Booty Called Someone | Betches

Betch Faux Pas: What To Do If You Drunk Booty Called Someone

By The Betches

It’s 1am and all the guys at the bar are just not your type, but like you reallyyyyy want to make out with somebody. And by make out I mean, throw your “not fucking bros” rule out the window for a night.


Yeah...this is not going to be good.

You do a quick glance around the bar. One friend’s flirting with the bartender (ew). The other one’s grinding up on some guy she is not going to be pleased to learn tomorrow she was grinding up on. The other two are in line for the bathroom. The coast is clear. You slowly take your phone out of your pocket, shadily looking around the entire time to make sure no one’s watching. Then, you begin going through your male contacts in search of a viable booty call option.

You text your regular hookup, “Heyy” and wait ten minutes. No response. Not good enough. Get a drink (from some rando at the bar, obviously). Proceed to text “heyyy what’s up” to the BBB. Three minutes later, crickets. You’re not going to stand for this. You get another drink. You’re hot and finding someone to hook up with shouldn’t be this hard, damn it!

You keep drinking and texting with reckless abandon.

Yikes.

Next thing you know, you wake up in bed—alone, because it was obvious to everyone you were being wasted and ridiculous—and open up your phone to see you’ve texted essentially every guy in your phone book. So what do you do now? It depends.

If you texted:

To anyone: “Hey,” “hey what’s up,” or even “heyyyy” – Is this even a serious question? No one cares, and neither should you.

To a guy you’ve hooked up with before: “U should come through” – Slightly more embarrassing, but you still shouldn’t waste your time caring that much. Everyone on this earth (including you) has gotten weirder/more desperate sounding drunk texts, like some of the ones below. Def not worth a follow-up explanation, except quit making your bedroom sound like a cheap motel lobby with a revolving door, just sayin.

Anything succeeded by a Wink ...As if the winky face were necessary to allude to the very obvious suggestive content of your message. You’re about as subtle as Taylor Swift when she came out with “Dear John.”

“Heyyyyyyyyyyy” – Pretty sure he got the point after the third y. Delete this text to save your sober self the embarrassment and then refrain from further contact unless he texts you first.

At 4am: “I wanna get laid, ideally by u lol…I know it’s kinda late but like…..” – Your betch badge has been temporarily suspended without pay. Let that shame sink in because this shit is embarrassing. Depending on your relationship with the aforementioned guy, maybe tomorrow you can play the whole “whoops I was wasted and wouldn’t have been able to even make out gracefully so idk why I even sent that...fuck you tequila” card (aka the truth) and you can both laugh it off. Otherwise if you don’t think he’ll be nice/chill about it (which would pretty much only happen if he was a complete dick or if he didn’t want to hook up with you at all which, please, does that even happen?) fake short-term memory loss or like a coma and never address this situation or text this guy ever again.

A vaguely racist comment to a bro you've hooked up with: “I need BBC and I’m not talking about Sherlock” - Equal parts mortifying for you and hilarious for me. I hope we’re friends and you’ve showed me this text because not only will it never not make me cry from laughter, but I will also never let you live this down. While I sort of admire your directness and use of innuendo, someone needs to get you a Gatorade to quench that thirst.

To a Tinder guy: “Come over, I live at X” – I really hope you didn’t like your apartment because you have to move now.

The next morning will no doubt be one of the more painful, and it may be comforting to acknowledge that it’s only really considered being delusional if the guy doesn’t want you back. But take a giiiiiant chill pill with the drunken booty call texts. If you want to continue to sit with us, retire these moves from your playbook ASAP. Once is an embarrassing slip-up, twice is your picture in the dictionary entry for TGF.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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