July 8, 2012
With the release of yet another losery superhero movie The Amazing Spiderman, comic book collectors are lining up to get to see someone whose sole superpower is being pretty and #5 skinny. The scarlet letter in Easy A should've been a B for betch of the fucking week.
Emma makes us laugh. She has a sexy low and husky voice. She is the white Rosa Parks with a book deal. Girl has it all. We thought it was about time we honored Emma before she decides to become a ginger again or style herself as a permmed poodle in The Help 2. We don’t understand why a natural blonde would ever choose to make others question if her pants are on fire but if that's what it takes to become the replacement for a drugged out Linzlo then whatever. Getting her big break in Superbad only 5 years ago, Emma has risen to super fame quicker than a D list celebrity with a sex tape.
We hear Ems is hooksing with Andrew Garfield – Spiderman star and questionable inventor of Facebook. If he had invented Facebook he would've invented Facebook. Did we mention he's British?
But in spite of her new boyfriend Emma is still the ultimate expert at #8 not fucking bros. Sure, it wasn’t that hard in Superbad. However, pretending to be Vivian Ward in Easy A, she gathered a Sears gift card collection to rival any soccer mom. Plus, in Crazy Stupid Love, she was even able to resist and rein in Ryan Gosling’s penis.
Also, athough it isn’t our idea of a sorority, she killed it in House Bunny. She was able to #42 dress like a slut, drink like a betch, and not ruin her career all at the same time. The true meaning of sisterhood.
Finally, although Emma says sweet things in interviews and plays up her nicegirl image for publicity purposes (having the nicegirl name 'Emma' also helps), we hear from sources that she drinks like a Polish soldier. We totally see how this manipulative little girl convinced her parents to let her drop out of school at 14 to pursue her dream of becoming Betch of the Week.