Betch of the Week: Haley Dunphy

By The Betches

She’s sassy, stylish, and so hot she even looks good in a mugshot photo. She’s Haley Dunphy, arguably the betchiest character on Modern Family.

Before you all start whining “What about Gloria!?” and “Sofia Vergara’s so hot” and blah blah blah, hear me out. Sure, Gloria possesses the MILF quality that we all secretly hope to have when we get older, and for that reason she's already been Betch of the Week.  But with her cell phone obsessions, drinking tickets, and all around lack of giving a fuck, Haley is the member of the Dunphy/ Pritchett/ Delgado/ Tucker fam that reminds us most of ourselves. I mean, personally, we’d probs would not have put up with Dylan for that long, but we can definitely see some of the perks to keeping the dumb as fuck bro around.

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons Haley Dunphy is one of the betchiest characters on television:

Even the trouble she get’s into is betchy

For example, casually collecting $900 to hook her friends up with fake IDs from some sketchy bro who obvs was just going to pocket the money. Also, let’s not forget the shit show that was Haley going off to college. While getting kicked out of school isn’t exactly betchy, she did it in the betchiest way possible: by overreacting and jumping out a second story window onto a cop to avoid a drinking ticket. I mean, nothing says betchy quite like wanting to wear a shirt that shows off your boobs to your disciplinary hearing with the dean. “In Legally Blonde Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute”. Right on, Haley, right on.

She always has her priorities straight

Alex: The only stage you’re ever going to jump on has a pole on it.
Haley: Hey, at least I have the body for it!

She’s all about not doing work

Claire: You take 3 community college classes a week and you miss half of them.
Haley: The parking is tricky!!

In recent episodes, Haley has decided to pursue a career as a stylist/ fashion blogger. Honestly, what’s betchier than a blog that’s solely devoted to pictures of yourself?

She knows what she wants in a man

“I’m not saying I miss Dylan, but at least he was romantic. David’s never sent me a jar of his own tears.”

She’s all about keeping it real

“Saying nothing isn’t lying. It’s just letting the truth speak for itself.”

“Mom, do we really have to do this? You ask if I was drinking, I say no and we both know that’s not true. I mean, aren’t we past this point in our relationship?”

She understands the importance of a slutty Halloween costume

“Okay, Mom. You cannot have a problem with this one. I’m Mother Teresa.”

So betches, there’s your proof. Haley’s obviously the head betch on Modern Family. Like, honestly, it’s not going to be too long before Gloria’s boobs start sagging anyway…




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