March 3, 2014
A few months ago I could've easily mistaken Lupita Nyong'o for like a private island off the coast of Sri Lanka, but after moving me to my once-annual tears in 12 Years a Slave and dominating awards season, she is our betch of the week.
Sense of humor: check.
Lupita has in fact been been killing it since she was born with an apostrophe in her name like only Ja'mie King could pull off. She was born in Mexico, lived in Kenya (the chicest of African countries), is quadri-lingual, and went to fucking Yale. Can you believe she isn't her own hero?
Lupita may have the chest of Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers' Club, but it's totally okay because it means she can easily get away with #42 dressing like a slut and still everyone will think it's the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. You really can't go wrong with a tan like that.
If Lupita's a bird I'm a bird.
Keep killing it Lupita. I don't want to have to watch the scene where Michael Fassbender whips the shit out of you ever again so you better be in some new movies. And we'll forgive you for living in Brooklyn, you can still sit with us.