June 29, 2012
Mila Kunis is the face of Dior, #3 on the Maxim Hot 100 List, and star of what is sure to be the funniest movie of the summer Ted. Having recently escaped her stalker alive, it’s safe to say that this Ukrainian bilingual betch is due for this honor.
Born behind the iron curtain (we kid you not), Kunis had to hide her inner JAB and was deprived of a bat bitzvah. Mila made the journey from commie socialist to cartoon voiceover to bicurious ballerina to pussywhipping Mark Wahlberg. Talk about stepping it up. Thank god Family Guy realized Mila isn’t as fugly and annoying as her character Meg and gave her a part worth her Black Swan ballet ass or she'd never be the betch she is today.
Mila, or should we say Jackie Burkhurt, has been a betch since she was born. At age 14, Mila Kunis didn’t even need a Fake ID to convince bouncers producers that she was 18 and could be on That ‘70s Show. Even in flare jeans she understood the pressure that comes with being rich, beautiful, and in a rumored relationship with Ashton Kutcher.
Jackie Burkhurt on Home Ec: “I don’t really cook much. I just plan on getting by on my looks”.
Jackie on Self Defense: “Someone might follow one of these other women home but when people follow me, it’s usually to ask me where I get my hair done or to give me presents”
Sure, Mila can piss us off with her nicegirl annoying charm in movies like Friends with Benefits and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but in reality she knows how to party. She's said it herself, “blondes definitely do not have more fun… Trust me.” If Black Swan taught us anything it’s that Mila can be thinner than Rachel Zoe, dance, and fuck your man while under the influence of psychadelics. We’d totally let Mila slip something in our drink, as long as she promises not to go all lesbian on us. Mila is one hot sexy betch and we can’t wait to see her kick the shit out of a talking Build-A-Bear.