Betch of the Week: Penelope Hayek

By The Betches

Hola, como estas? Penelope Hayek es la betch de la semana. If you're confused, you're not alone, because so are we. The real difference between these two actresses is that one is like way hotter, but when you think about it, you really have no idea which one was in what movie. Salma Hayek? Isn't she that bitch from Vanilla Sky? No that's Penelope Cruz. Oh, so she's the one in Vicky Cristina. Wrong again. See you can't tell one apart from the other because they're both extremely typecast and because you don't really give a shit. Therefore we've decided to honor both, as one entity; Penelope Hayek is a better hybrid than a fucking Prius. 

She’s a betch. She’s a lover. She has a child. She’s a mother. Penelope Hayek's flowing hair and amazing curves have fans on both sides of the fence. Even her super sexy husband/boyfriend Javier Bardem is always confused with Denny from Grey's and that other guy in PS I Love You. Or is he even in that? Ugh what an actor mind fuck. Anyway, her ex foreign bro Francois-Henri Pinault may have cheated on her, but he still thinks she is Biutiful.

She is waging her own War for Drugs. Savages isn’t Penelope Hayek's first step into the drug ring. She got down with her drug cartel roots in Blow. This native Spanish speaker can’t seem to escape the image of a drug dealer's fuck buddy from Tijuana.

Spanish soap operas only take you so far on Telemundo, and this betch isn’t a one hit wonder like the Macarena. She has made groundbreaking steps such as having a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and being the first woman with a unibrow to get nominated for an Oscar.

She's also Woody Allen’s go to Spanish betch and has been in more movies with Antonio Banderas than there are sequels to Pirates of the Carribean. Wasn’t she great in Traffic? Oh wait our bad, that was Benicio Del Toro.

As she's said herself, “I love Salma Hayek, we've been friends for a really long time. I admire how she has come such a long way and always remained grounded and who she is. She never compromises to follow her vision and she is loyal. Such qualities only mark the great stars". Any betch loves #112 talking about herself, but please stop fucking talking in third person. You’re really baffling us.




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