August 27, 2014
I am a firm believer that the only reason “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” continues to destroy our brain cells/faith in humanity every fucking Sunday is because of the genuinely hilarious and equally narcissistic Lord Disick is on the show.
He’s literally everything anyone could hate in a spoiled, rich, famous-for-no-reason white boy, and he is also my male spirit animal. I know what you’re thinking, and I’m going to answer your question with more questions. Are you serious? How in the fuck is Scott Disick not betchy? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
He masters the humble brag: check.
He’s fucking hilarious: check.
He thinks super highly of himself & expects others to do the same: check.
He’s fashionable as fuck & drives like a fucking idiot in nice cars: check.
He’s often times the voice of reason & humor in a world full of fucking morons: check.
I’ve come to the long thought-over conclusion that Lord Disick is the combination of your gay bff and the douchebag pro you dated for like three months in college but still text when you’ve had way too much tequila. He’s too feminine to be a real suitor, but way to fucking suave to not be considered. And he totally called Rob fat like 2 years before Rob became a house, so there is even the argument that Disick may be psychic. There’s a 30% chance you’re going to become an obese person!
Scott and Kourtney, the midget of the Kardashian family mafia, are expecting their third child in like 4 years, which means that the sex must be like pretty fucking decent. If you’ve seen their kids on the show, you will notice that they are both so adorable and also already have better reading skills than Kendall Jenner, so that’s a plus.
Buying suits, talking shit, throwing huge fucking parties and becoming a royal is just like a typical fucking Tuesday afternoon for Lord Disick. He keeps a clique of super famous people and has a huge following of fans himself. Within a matter of a few seasons, Scott became the annoying kinda-sorta fuck-buddy of a Kardashian, to like the whole reason we live/breathe/watch E! anymore, ever. It’s the American Dream.
“I can’t take photos with peasants.” –Scott to Rob Kardashian
“I didn’t buy the piano to play it, I bought it because it looks nice.” – On home décor
“I’m not sure I deserve a lot of things…but they come to me” – On humbleness
“You’re a real hood bitch these days.” – Scott to Kim