December 21, 2012
Rihanna has already been Betch of the Week but there are way more weeks than just one that she's been deserving of the title. What better way to honor that her round-the-clock betchiness than by granting her the coveted position of Betch of the Year. Rihanna has the fucking midas touch…everything she touches turns to gold, including Chris Brown’s fucking hair. Diamonds in the Sky has been #1 on the charts in like a billion countries and is totally changing
the world our pregames, so let's all pop some Adderall and turn our attention to her betchy-as-fuck year.
RiRi is so badass and beloved that she can get away with anything. Let’s take the Chris Brown sitch, for example: even though he beat the shit out of her, she’s still “crazy in love” and hey, even though we all know this will end horribly, we're very into watching the trainwreck that will take place when Rihanna inevitably wakes Chris up after he specifically told everyone not to.
Loving RiRi means following her on instagram. You don't have to be part of her psycho RihannaNavy who likes/comments/shares every pic she posts including screen shots of her bible studies lessons, but you can still laugh at her pics of her long nails with a caption of "#phuckyomanicure" or a picture of her niece captioned "#dankassnigga." You might even pick up some of her lingo, like saying PH instead of F, and things like "rihpost" and "historih." Oh and we occasionally enjoy speaking in her Barbados accent. Yo mon, it be raining, get unda my umbrella, ella, ella.
In more recent news, RiRi basically stole the show at the VS Fashion show. Like, honestly, who cares about Adriana's baby weight or the fact that we had no idea who the fuck the Asian model was when Rihanna is on the catwalk? Her new album, Unapologetic, is psycho and betches love it more than we love sharing meals with the garbage. Plus, we needed some new jams at Soul Cycle.
But let’s take a moment to appreciate what Rihanna has done throughout this year. She landed herself on Time Magazine’s Most Influential People in the World (LOL), and she wowed betches with her genuine soul and beyond-her-years wisdom when she was interviewed on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” where she and Opz straight chilled in Barbados.
Rihanna’s super exclusive 777 Tour was more ridiculous than having your mom send you joints at sleepaway camp. Betch performed in like seven countries in seven days. Even though we didn’t know what went on aboard Airbus Rihanna, we heard she poured champagne for the whole 150 person media crew on the first day and then disappeared for the rest. She may have even left one or two of them in Mexico City. But who cares? She's BadgalRiRi.
And finally, in her free time, RiRi likes to light up like, all the time. Seriously, her Instagram/Twitter indicates that she’s completely high all hours of the day, which explains why she’s such a fucking genius. #phuckyobetchoftheyear
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing