The Betches' Guide to Surviving Hurricane Sandy

By The Betches

So Sandy is here and like a true hard partying BSCB she decided to wait until after everyone's Halloweekend hangovers died down to really tear shit up. She even timed her arrival perfectly to get everyone out of #36 work on Monday and probs Tuesday. Sandy made her way to the east coast from God knows where, making everyone flip the fuck out and stock up on shit. So whether you're spending the day having sex with your boyfriend or in a barred out coma, here are our suggestions for what to do in those moments of complete boredom.

1. Stock up on the essentials like wine, bloody mary mix, vodka, and weed. You might be inside for a few days so it's important to remember the essentials not listed on nice guy Bloomberg's survival kit. You think fucking bandaids are going to help you when your roommate is talking your ear off about how annoying her boyfriend is being? You think your battery powered flashlight is going to entertain you when your phone dies?

2. Make sure you have plenty of nail polish and shit. Hurricanes are the only acceptable time to do your own nails.

3. Make sure you upload many #155 instagrams of flooded streets, trees knocked over, and assorted foods you've prepared in an attempt to pretend you eat. Have a witty and dramatic caption with something original like 'Stocking up for Sandy! #HurricaneSandy #SandyParty"

4. #80 Bitching about the weather and not being able to go out should be done throughout the storm. Accepting the inevitable is for nice people and girls who don't love the sound of their own voices.

5. Everyone knows canned foods are too pleb to ever actually consume. You and your Progresso Tomato Basil Harvest can go back to the assisted housing site where you belong. Stockpiling your apartment with bottled water is obvi okay since everyone knows storm-induced starvation is the trendiest weight loss plan of fall 2012. Be sure to buy only giant bottles of Smart Water to show everyone that yes, you're rich enough to own a generator, you're just getting in the hurricane spirit for fun.

6. Take this time to come up with even more creative costume ideas for Wednesday night and use your creativity to find various fun ways to drink. Your #1 shit talking should be at an all-time high as there will probably be few things to do other than dissect the thought process that led to the creation of your bestie's fugly new haircut.

Be safe betches and make sure you don't fuck up your hair!




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