July 11, 2012
Consider this website as the university you wished you fucking went to. We, your sassy well-dressed professors have taught you many sayings and words that have helped shape your vocabulary into the skinny angry drunk rich girl that it is today. However, there are certain words that a true betch should never ever utter because they are awkward, uncomfortable and nauseating. We will now take it upon ourselves to provide you with lessons on words and sayings that are absolutely NOT to be used like EVER. Anyone caught doing so will be put in the chokey.
I mean, besides the obvious frenetic disgustingness of this horrific adjective of the English language, this fucking thing just brings to mind so much nauseating imagery that we begin to wonder how the FCC would even allow it to be said on national television.
Can one of the interns look up if fat people wrote the English language? Because I'm pretty fucking sure the only reason for a word like this to have been invented would be to describe the droplets of sweat moving slowly over the nape of an obese person’s neck. It pretty much exudes soggyness and implies that something is in the danger zone between wet and damp. In case it is not brutally obvious, I am literally trying to avoid using the word, even though I am writing a post dedicated to how much I fucking hate it.
This word is only made even more grotesque when a situation arises where its usage is in relation to sustenance of any kind. In elementary school when I was eating my limited edition sushi lunchables, nicegirl had a sandwich in a Ziploc that perfectly exemplifies why I despise this word. The condensation on my iced coffee, a dish that my housekeeper just took out of the dishwasher, the feeling of a mildewy towel at summer camp, the list can go on and on. for one reason or another that I legitimately can't explain, it makes me think of a chubby chaser going down on a fat chick. Gross, I know, but you can't even fucking deny the accuracy of that statement.
So please do me a fucking favor and throw me a Tiffany’s bone paperweight, let's expunge this blunder of a word from the global glossary ASAFP.