August 31, 2015
Betches love the University of Alabama for somehow convincing a small population of the world that houndstooth is fashionable. The Alabama faithful wear houndstooth on their hats, overalls, Hunter rain boots, probs on their bras, literally anywhere. If nothing else, you can appreciate the considerable dent that makes in a wardrobe that expires as soon as football season is over.
More important, the University of Alabama fan base has shown us that wearing heels and/or an oversized Mark Ingram jersey is appropriate in every situation. Literally every situation, even those that involve shotgunning Natty Light at a tailgate in the Quad or puking on your shoes in Bryant Denny Stadium. Just don't forget to wear waterproof mascara in case (God forbid) the Crimson Tide somehow loses on a last second field goal. Because there will be tears.
Life in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, is like Friday Night Lights times one million. Football is life. On Saturday mornings, Alabama fans wake up with doses and mimosas, and take those beverages to the streets because there's no open container law on gameday weekends. Seriously, football is life.
After a tailgate in the Quad. you'll either fight your way into Bryant Denny stadium, or just keep tailgating. Which is obviously the preferred option with no open container law (seriously, how the fuck is that possible?). After the win, head to Galette's for the Yellow Hammer drink that will make your head spin six ways to Sunday the next morning. As long as you end up at the Quick Grill for messy fries at the end of the night, then you've done Tuscaloosa right.
If Alabama football is life, then head coach Nick Saban is Jesus. His daughter was even allowed to get married on the hallowed grounds of the Alabama football field, and this was after her Alabama sorority sister sued her for assault in 2012.
He's won national championships, coached Heisman winners, and somehow made life in Alabama suck a lot less.
Roll Damn Tide..