December 2, 2013
Like a million other betches who didn't want to watch stupid football on Thanksgiving, we saw Catching Fire. Yes, it was a half hour too long. No, that did not make us love it any less. Yes, we get the irony of saying we love a movie that's about how fucked up it is to love watching children fight to the death for entertainment.
I personally enjoyed Catching Fire more than the original Hunger Games, maybe because Katniss has become a celebrity and Liam Hemsworth actually got the screentime he deserved. Other than that this movie was basically the same as the first one: Katniss and Gale are in love, Katniss and Peeta get chosen for the Hunger Games (again! I know, how original) so they have to be pretend to be in love, they compete in the Hunger Games, blah blah. Peeta is just as backburner bro-y as ever, but the love triangle rages on because everyone knows a betch cannot exist unless two bros are fighting over her.
The only major difference from the first movie was that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was around, making this one like 100 percent more legit than your average film about a girl who just wants to go hunting with her boyfriend but accidentally gets caught up in the peasant revolution of her extremely ugly country.
As usual, here were some of our observations.
As if this franchise weren't basically just a copy of the Bachelor with a journey full of brutal child murder instead of love and skydiving analogies, the network is even paying to throw a fake wedding for the contestants.
There are more warrior style braids in this movie than in the Navajo tribe pre-Trail of Tears.
Did anyone notice that the edgy goth-y girl, I think her name was Johanna, was also the daughter in Stepmom? And let me tell you, she has only become more angsty since 1998.
That bro Finnick has major gayface. Still hot.
I don't want to speak ill of Lenny Kravitz's aka Cinna's styling since I'm pretty sure he dies in the end, but his white swan/black swan dress was so two years ago. Not yet old enough to be vintage, Lenny.
Finally, I can't believe Miley Cyrus decided to cut her hair and become a freak instead of marrying the perfect human specimen that is Liam Hemsworth.