Betches Love This Scandal: Amanda Knox Gets Kinky in Italia

By The Betches

Soo in an interesting scandal, Casey Anthony Amanda Knox has been acquitted of killing some British chick and is finally returning from her 4-year semester #3 abroad to the grand old USA. Apparently the media are now calling her Foxy Knoxy, but we're not afraid of giving her they name they were obviously dying to give but couldn't: Cocksy Knoxy. Welcome home bitch...

Honestly, for all the betches who have written to us saying she should be Betch of the Week, the suggestion of murder just isn't that betchy. And possibly getting away with it involves a lot of cleanup, aka work for Maria.

amanda knox trialThe only thing I'm guilty of is eating pasta on my #5 diet!

It's unclear if she did it, and like we've said before we #2 don't keep up with the news and didn't see the Lifetime movie, because Lifetime is for nice girls and people who watch Pan Am. It's like, whatever, we hope she didn't do it. Though she has the stare and #41 fake smile of a killer.

Wikipedia tells us that the prosecution's first theory about the murder involved a Satanic ritual orgy. We get that you're a #7 BSCB Amanda, but chill with that. No one wanted to fuck any of those girls in "The Craft" anyway, proving that magic will not get you laid. However, this story definitely reminds us that picking a normal #85 freshman roomie is more than a matter of life or social death. Whatever, it all sounds too fucked up to even fully go into and honestly I'd rather spend my time back-stalking myself on Facebook.

So anyway, this bitch obviously got off because she was pretty. She manipulated the Italian judicial system without even speaking the language at first. And look, she'll never have to work a day in her life because she's a questionable murderer/pseudo-sex fiend whose parents are rich enough to hire a PR firm. Honestly, her next move should be to marry OJ Simpson. They'd be a huge power couple before one of them kills the other.

amanda knox trialI can't believe I'm really doing lifetime movies

We don't really recommend being tried for murder as way to get out of having a career but even Donald Trump wants to make bank off of her now. Trump previously called for a US boycott of Italy until Miss Knox was freed. Alright Donny, we know you want to fuck her, but try to focus your efforts on what you're good at, like trying to make the comb-over happen and getting over the fact that you're not the US Attorney General who can initiate boycotts.

As Trump later stated, "She went to Italy to learn the language. Well, she learned the language.” Sorry Mandyhunny, should've kept your Italian language within the confines of the words the rest of us abroad betches knew. Dove si trova il negozio Prada?

 




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