July 5, 2011
So, we didn’t want to lose our betchy reputations of #2 not keeping up with the news by commenting on two different scandals involving politicians so soon. Ew. But the Anthony Weiner story was really just too funny for us to resist. This scandal of the week involves a betch’s favorite things: sexting, manipulation, betrayal, and #39 Twitter.
For those of you not familiar with this hilarious example of another oversexed politician, Democratic representative Anthony Weiner has been accused of sending out pictures of his penis and body via Twitter messages and sending inappropriate sexts to women who aren’t his pregnant wife. We really hope this bitch did not have a prenup because this is some embarrassing shit.
This is a perfect example of why adults shouldn’t be on Twitter, and another reason we tell our moms that we’ll commit suicide if they join one more social media website. People over age 35 shouldn’t use social media because they don’t know how to fucking use it. Sorry this isn’t 1920 and the woman you’ve mailed the painted portrait of your dick to can’t get a good laugh and then rip it up. This is 2011 and as we’ve mentioned before, what you send out in cyberspace lasts for fucking ever.
Also, Anthony, you’re really sending a woman pictures of your penis? The last time we checked, the last thing we wanted to see in our Twitter inboxes were huge pics of any guy's hard dick coming at us via the web. You’re probably a wealthy guy. If you want to get women to come, send them pictures of your fucking tax returns. It’s a lot more politically correct.
Finally, your method of dealing with this shit was totally ridiculous. Really? You’re going to pretend your Twitter account was hacked and launch a formal investigation by your own team into the matter? (It’s someone else’s penis! I don’t even know how to retweet!) Betches love to play the Deny Till You Die too (how else do you think we got away with stealing our parents' alcohol and claiming their cars were sprayed by skunks in high school?), but this brings that shit to a whole new level.
Take a cue from David Duchovny and check yourself into sex rehab. Or if you’re going to partake in shitty behavior go out and fuck a real human. Cyber affairs are pretty fucking pathetic. Old people, take this as a lesson. Stop sexting and tweeting. If you must send pictures of your ugly, old ass bodies, you should get yourself on match.com like our divorced dads.