'Westworld' Recap: Not So Bromantic After All

By Miss Ameribetch

So I finally started watching Westworld, because I’m busy and true to our nature, I’m always late. But now that I’ve started, I’ve decided it’s worth talking about. It’s HBO and surprisingly good, though still a little too much blood for my personal taste. Basically if you haven’t watched it yet, it’s like Game of Thrones and Silicon Valley got together with hints of Jurassic Park. If that sounds nerdy, it is, but it’s also got James Marsden and the other Hemsworth bro, so we’re down.

In Sunday’s episode, the heroine Dolores runs off with Logan and William because she likes adventure, or something like that. Dolores is a host, which means she’s basically a sex bot, but she’s also self-aware enough to know she doesn’t want to be one. Logan and William are guests of the park, meaning they’re actual humans and not robots. They’re basically finance bros on the outside, or it’s implied they work at some corporate office together in a rivals-but-friendly situation.

They get in a fight in the middle of a brothel that’s reminiscent of Nate and Chuck’s fight over Blair’s virginity. Logan even has the dark hair and smug grin as he tells Nate William to stop being a pussy.  William, meanwhile, is obvs falling for sex-bot Dolores and wants to appear in every way the gentleman. When Logan burns him for being an EVP as opposed to whatever he is at their day jobs, William throws punches and then they...almost make out? The latter was probably not intentional, though who knows, everything about this show is a mystery.

Despite the fact that William is nice to Dolores, he’s still kind of a shady bro for not telling her what’s going on. Like, her programming is making her fall for him and meanwhile he probably has a wife and kids at home in the real world. Who TF knows at this point?

Oh yeah, and for most of this episode they’re hanging out at an orgy where there’s mostly just a lot of naked gold people holding hands. Dolores Irish exits and finds a tarot card reader. Sometimes you just want to go to a psychic or read your horoscope because most parties are boring, and we get that. You do your thing, Dolores. Anyways, she keeps hearing those voices which are trying to tell her she’s a robot, but she’s not sure what it means. You might have wondered how any of this show is like Silicon Valley, and it’s the robot part. Somehow they’ve managed to combine old time-y raunchy Old West feel with strong undertones of technology, which we honestly give them props for.

While all this is happening, two body technicians are fixing up broken hosts in the lab area of the park. The body technicians, who have no name (ugh, we actually googled it and everything) are working on fixing bodies and one of them decides to try and save a bird on his own to get a promotion. The other one is an annoying ginger won’t stop giving his coworker shit, for no apparent reason. I mean, never trust a ginger I guess.

We spend a lot of time with these two technicians throughout the episode, and at the very end the Asian one succeeds in coding the bird back to life. While doing so, however, Maeve (a robot that was supposed to be in sleep mode) wakes up on her own and tells him they need to talk.

Our takeaway from this episode is that Dolores is like that girl that says she’s one of the guys, but then still makes out with the guys. Like, she goes out shooting with them and chills at bottle service in the middle of a sex club while her dude friends talk about getting laid, but then she still goes and hooks up with one of the guys. So um, you’re not fooling us, Dolores. Also, Dolores rhymes with Danaerys, and we’re not sure that’s a coincidence. But at least Danaerys had dragons. Hopefully she stops being so whiny or this is going to get difficult to watch.




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TALK SHIT

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