August 30, 2012
So as your dad may or may not have told you, there's an election coming up in November. They even picked the republican bros who are supposed to run against Obama and that old guy. Their names are Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan (two first names, so chic). Anyway, we're here to do you a favor, since we know you #2 don't keep up with the news and since politics is like, way boring. We're going to break down the issues you care about without giving a firm stance on them since we don't really give a shit either way. But I mean, if you're going to have to listen to election bullshit this fall, it might as well be from us. So stay tuned for the betchiest election coverage in the nation. CNN can totes go fuck itself.
We're going to kick off Betchocracy with news from the Republican National Convention. If you don't know what that is or why it's important, don't worry about it. If someone mentions it, just know it's a big meeting where republicans get together and #1 talk shit about the democrats to prepare for election day.
So anyway, Condoleezza Rice (aka that tan betch who loves carbs and was Secretary of State under Bush II) gave a speech at the RNC last night but obvi all anyone could pay attention to was the fact that she had lipstick on her teeth. -1 republicans! Apparently either her makeup artist was a democrat or she's the Miss Geist of politics. If only she could find true love with
Mr. Hall Todd Akin and then he could totes chill out about women's reproductive rights.
Nancy Pelosi was quoted on the issue, saying "Well sure, she has runs in her stockings, and her slip is always showing, and she always has more lipstick on her teeth than her mouth. God, this woman is screaming for a makeover. I'm her only hope." She then joined Condi's efforts to help with the
Pismo Beach Disaster Fund Hurricane Isaac in order to make over her soul.