BETCHOCRACY 2016: Away We Go | Betches

BETCHOCRACY 2016: Away We Go

By 50 Shades Of Betch


We survived Iowa!!! This past Monday, the first votes in this election process were finally cast, which means we’re finally getting closer to some actual progress. Now we can all look forward to not hearing about Iowa for four more years. Here’s everything you need to know about from the Hawkeye State and around the country:

 

CRUZIN


Excuse the way too obvious pun, but Ted Cruz kinda crushed it in Iowa. He won with 27.6% of the vote, which put him more than 3% above Donald Trump. Iowa’s super-white, super-Christian voters played to all of Ted’s strengths, so he’ll be breathing a sigh of relief. Donald Trump was definitely a little overconfident, but realistically this result doesn’t hurt his campaign much.

2 COWBOYS, 1 DONKEY


In the last six months, Bernie Sanders has fought like hell to pull voters away from establishment favorite Hillary Clinton. He’s made a lot of progress, but fell a few votes short (literally) in Iowa on Monday. Because the Democrats only report delegate equivalents, not actual votes (it’s very confusing, we promise), there’s no way to know how many votes actually separated the two of them, but Hillary was given the slight win. Either way, it’s a very close race. Bernie is expected to win next week in New Hampshire, but after that things should really heat up.

DROPPING LIKE FLIES

In the wake of the Iowa Caucuses, some of the more delusional candidates finally saw the light. We said goodbye to Martin O’Malley on the Democratic side, and Rick Santorum and Rand Paul bid the Republicans adieu. Rick Santorum also endorsed Marco Rubio, which might not help much, but we’ll see. It’s great that the debate stages will be less crowded now, but tbh none of these candidates were ever going to get more than like 3% of the vote. Bye Felicias.

GLOVES OFF


Hillary and Bernie had a debate in New Hampshire on Thursday night, and shit got pretty real. For much of the campaign, Bernie and his supporters have talked about how Hillary gets much of her money from Wall Street and other major corporations. At the debate last night, Hillary finally got fed up, and asked him to stop beating around the bush and say what he had to say. He then proceeded to basically beat around the bush and not directly accuse her of anything, but it was intense nonetheless. 




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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