BETCHOCRACY 2016: LAST BETCH STANDING | Betches

BETCHOCRACY 2016: LAST BETCH STANDING

By 50 Shades Of Betch


Now that Iowa and New Hampshire are over, things move quickly. This week, there were debates, campaign suspensions, and plenty of drama. Let’s talk shit.

THE STATE NEXT TO VERMONT

New Hampshire had their primary this week, things went largely as expected. Bernie Sanders won the democratic side by a wide margin, which was expected in such a liberal state, so close to where he’s from. On the Republican side, Donald Trump won by a full 20% over second place, which is pretty remarkable when there are still half a dozen candidates vying for ‘frontrunner’ status. Ohio Governor John Kasich fought to a surprise second-place finish, with Cruz, Bush, and Rubio coming in at around 10% of the vote. It’s still too early to tell, but some of these men need to whip themselves into shape or else Donald will be dancing on their graves.

LAST BETCH STANDING


After pathetic results in Iowa and New Hampshire, business Betch Carly Fiorina announced that she’s suspending her campaign. With Carly out of the running, that means that Hillary is the only Betch left in the race. Carly won’t really be missed, because she basically ignored the fact that she’s a woman and was as misogynistic as the rest of her fellow Republican candidates. She also blatantly lied about Planned Parenthood. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie also suspended his campaign this week. Christie was once seen as a potential frontrunner, but never really gained traction. This makes sense, because Chris doesn’t really look like he could finish a race, let alone win it.

REPS


Both parties had another debate in the last week, and the Republicans have another one tomorrow. In the Republican one, the highlights included when half the candidates lost their fucking minds and had no idea when to come out on stage. You really need to watch the video, because the thought that these buffoons could be President is very alarming. The other big story was when Chris Christie (RIP) called out Marco Rubio for rehearsing answers to questions, and he proceeded to repeat the exact same line about Obama THREE TIMES. Marco will probably be okay in the long-run, but many are saying this mishap caused his poor showing in New Hampshire.

DEMS


In the Democratic debate on Thursday night, Hillary was trying to do some damage control after her defeat in New Hampshire. She hammered home the idea that many of Sanders’ attractive ideas would be quite difficult (and costly) to enact, and tried to emphasize her foreign policy experience. We kind of love it, because every week it gets clearer how much these two are starting to hate each other. Anyone who is hoping for Bernie to be Hillary’s vice president, don’t hold your breath.

THE ROAD AHEAD

Where do we go from here? Nevada! South Carolina! Both of these states will vote in the next couple weeks. After that, it’s Super Tuesday (March 1). That’s when 14 states will vote, so if things are still unclear after that, it’s going to be a long fucking road. Stay tuned.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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