July 6, 2015
FUCK YEAH, LADY SOCCER.
Obvi this weekend was going to be great, anyway. The Fourth of July is amazing. You're getting hammered on a boat or a beach, or in your neighbor's kiddie pool and then you end up in a corner booth at Taco Bell at three in the morning crying about how much you love America.
Whatever you did, it's all great because America is the fucking BEST country in the world.
In case you were too hungover to turn on your TV and throw on a vintage Old Navy 4th of July shirt to root for the U.S. Women's National Team...here's a newsflash. WE FUCKING WON.
I believe that we will win, I believe that we just won. And kicked the country of Japan's collective ass.
Head Betch in Charge Carli Lloyd led the lady soccer bad asses with three goals in 16 minutes. A good old-fashioned hat trick. Uncle Sam is tipping his giant hat to your patriotic ass, Carli, because America loves you.
I mean, there's nothing better than proving that America is the best country in the world. Unemployment on the rise? Meh. Shaky future of this great nation? We'll worry about that later.
Because, SPORTS. And being good at sports. And especially beating a country that bombed the shit out of Hawaii because that state is fucking beautiful and that's a crime in itself.
Too soon to talk about Pearl Harbor? Whatever, #USA.
Hail to the betches of the U.S. Women's National Team.
You kicked some serious ass, and looked good doing it. (Looking at you, Sydney Leroux).