Betchy Cat Gets A Quinceanera, And You Won't Believe The Drama

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

A very betchy cat, named Ponette because duh, just had a quinceañera. She lives in San Francisco with her human slave Kira Stackhouse, who calls Ponette her BFF.

Kira told reporters that "Ponette has really blossomed in the past few years and 15 is quite an accomplishment, so a quinceañera seemed like the perfect way to celebrate!" Ponette thanked her by screaming, “Hurry up and get in the car! We’re going to be late for my dress fitting.”

Once the date for the quince was officially set, Ponette went into full party planning mode, and could hardly sleep for the next ten weeks. There were going to be tons of other cats throwing similar parties in the area, and she knew hers had to stand out. “I’ve always been a star,” she said. “Everything has to be perfect.”

The first detail she needed to nail down was the location, which ended up being her house. At first Ponette was disappointed because her favorite SF club, DNA Lounge, was completely booked for the night she wanted. It was completely tragic and there were many tears shed, but she’s resilient and knew that she couldn’t let this ruin her celebration. Hours later, she was smiling again. “The more I thought about it, what better place to have my quince than at my own home? We’ve hired a designer who really gets my style and there will be no expense spared!” Kira meekly reminded her of the budget they had discussed, and she still has scars from the scratch marks that resulted.

Closer to the special day, there would still be a few more obstacles to overcome. Ponette had ordered her dress over a month ago, but when it arrived just a few days before, something was off. “This is not the color I chose. It just isn’t my dress,” she said looking at it in disgust. After three hours on the phone with her stylist from Milan, a new dress was sent to her home. Luckily, it arrived just in time. Her outfit, complete with a tiara and jewels, would truly make her quince dreams come true.


When the day finally arrived, Ponette was nervous but very excited. “All of the planning has paid off,“ she said. “I’m just ready to let loose and have fun with my friends!” She did a toast with her besties (Kira NOT included) to start the night off, and it only got better from there. There were tons of guests complimenting her on the event (even a few who weren’t invited, who she immediately kicked out), her favorite dancing music and cake that she didn’t eat because she needed to look slim for the pictures. All in all, this was an unforgettable quince that Ponette will never forget. Especially because she’s a cat, and nothing else has ever happened to her.





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