The Top Betchy Drinks For Every Occasion

By The Betches

Daytime betch drinks:

For class: Starbucks

When any girl shows up 15+ minutes late to class, you can guarantee there’s a Starbucks cup in her hand. No one can be expected to sit still for an hour and forty five minutes, multi tasking copying down slides and perusing Twitter without serious caffeinated stimulation

For the library study sesh: Diet Coke

Fucking duh.

For a hangover: Blue Powerade

Scientifically proven to help the room stop spinning with no actual scientific evidence #Electrolytes

Nightlife betch drinks:

For a night in with the girls: Wine

Wine makes us feel very classy, mature, and Sex in the City-esque. Wine drunk seems to be acceptable on week nights in our culture, and drinking it out of a box at a frat party brings back childhood memories of juice boxes.

For a night at the bar: Vodka Sodas

These are light on the calories and prevent the awful sugar hangover that comes with drinks like Dirty Shirley's. They are an acquired taste, but betches have been known to cheat with Vodka Water with BYOB water enhancing drops like Mio.


For a brunch or early tailgate: Mimosas

Beer too early leads to bloating and bloating anytime before sundown is highly frowned upon. Mimosas are for us pretending we’re doing a real life Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

For a sick / sleepy betch: Green Tea

Good for the soul. And the skin. And more than anything: the metabolism.

Spring Break Betch: Tequila

Tequila makes her clothes fall off. But on Spring Break we’re not usually wearing much anyway...




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