February 20, 2014
Betches, like Barbies, have a wide variety of career options to supplement the money that they are already getting from their parents. While we all know that betches hate doing work, some jobs fit the betch's lifestyle better than others. Most families are probably clamoring to have betches nanny their kid because who wouldn't want one as a role model for their young one? They can teach little girls how to get boys to bring them toys and shit, and they can teach young boys the value of being kind of shady but not such a little douchebag that everybody hates him. Betches make the best nannies because they grew up with paid caretakers of their own and know all the tricks baby betches will play to get shit they're not supposed to have. Betches also relate to kids because they also do shit like cry when they don't get their way, call their mom whenever they need something, and are constantly bombarded by compliments about how cute and pretty they are.
For the betch who is considering nannying as a career path, here are some things to keep in mind before actually agreeing to take on the responsibility of
raising someone else's child reading Gillian Flynn novels while you pretend to watch some brat play soccer.
Being a nanny is one of the betchiest job options because, if done right, it's barely a job at all. As a nanny you can dress like a slut (See: Jesss as a Nanny: Girls Season 1) spend your day drinking iced coffee while the kids are in their baby yoga class, and you don't even have to hide your phone in your lap while you're texting because the only people there to see you are kids who are by definition dumb as fuck. Since your boss is never there, nobody is around to notice you not doing work. As long as the kid isn't lost, dead, or injured you're fine. I personally like to brag that I gurantee a 100% survival rate on my resume. Also, unlimited free string cheese. That shit doesn't grow on trees.
Finally, nannies are paid in cash so you don't have to endure the company of your back burner bro just so he'll do all that confusing tax shit for you.
In addition, the betchiness of your nannying job is totally dependent on the richness of the family you're babysitting for and the chillness of the kid. Nannying for a baby that sleeps all day in their parents' penthouse apartment while you watch TV is very betchy. Helping some lame ass five year old get over his "bathroom anxiety" in his parents' three bedroom rental is not. Speaking of the bathroom, nannying has one of highest chances of you getting shit (literal shit) on your hands or face. And just like happy people don't kill their husbands, betches do not get shit on their hands and face. They just don't. Therefore the cardinal rules for keeping nannying betchy are these four words: "I don't do diapers."