July 23, 2014
Back in 2001, Yoncé got Bootylicious in the dictionary and now Beyoncé by Beyoncé has given us a whole new set of vocabulary, choreography and nonlinguistic sexual noises to learn. At this point, Merriam-Webster should have her on payroll, not that she needs it. We’ll do our best to document the most important Beyoncé linguistics aka Bey-guistics of 2014, but honestly the list has no end.
MUAMA SAID YOU’RE A PRETTY GURRRL. - This is the LBD of Beyoncé lyrics. It can mean anything. If your friend got dumped or a co-worker is being annoying, this should effectively let her know that she needs to get over herself ASAP. Pretty hurts.
OH BAYbeh- To do this you need to hold the air in your mouth on they BAY as long as possible. It can express surprise or sarcasm.
“E! is doing a spin-off on Bruce becoming a woman called Bruce Takes Estrogen."
Are you happy to be in Paris? - For the Parisian Betch. You need to say this with an accent, and preferably touching down at Charles de Gaulle.
H-town bitches - Technically this stands for Houston but Texas does double duty as America’s underwear so it can also refer to someone who has Herpes. “She slept with Billy and went straight to H-town."
I look damn good I ain’t lost it - What to tell yourself every fucking day.
I just wanna be the girl you like - When you want someone who’s taken. I.E. everyone’s reaction to Eva Mendes having Ryan Gosling’s baby.
Eat the cake - This is actually a Jay-guistic but from a Bey song. Must be said in a deep voice. 'Eat the cake' has some X-rated connotations but it can also be used when you’re feeling abrasive at parties and want your friends to eat more than you.
You’re (gasp) no (gasp) an (gasp) gel, (gasp) ei (gasp) tha (gasp) baybaaay - To get out of a speeding ticket and possibly a DUI. The bend and snap of avoiding legal reprehension. Could backfire, no promises.
Dat clu(b) - Gross sandwiches you shouldn’t eat. 0 cal soda you should.
Just tell me how it’s looking BAE - Soliciting real talk, honesty, ect. ect. Talking to your friend when you’re trying on a new outfit or getting a second opinion to make sure your new guy isn’t fugly.
I woke up like this - The key here is to not pronounce the s. The s is silent. "I woke up like thiiiiii(s)" is how Bey does it, like she has a sexual lisp. This one has been used to caption basically everything in the last 6 months, so I don’t think anyone’s having trouble fitting it into their vocabulary.
Half-necked - “I’m in my penthouse half-necked. I cooked this meal for you necked.” To spice up your logistical updates: “Going to CVS necked.” “Coming from the airport half-necked."
Flossin' on that - Interested in; Something I say to kids when nannying. “You’ve been texting that guy from the park a lot, you flossin' on that?” “I’m twelve.”
Swervin' - Synonym for flossin’ “So you’re not swervin’ on it?” “Stop.”
Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gooooowwwn - This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Let me sit dis assssssss on ya - This can be used with your significant other or to make people without a sense or humor or a sense of Beyoncé uncomfortable.
You like it wet and so do I - If you ever run into Ryan Lochte or want to start a conversation with your gardener/pool boy. Then again, no one but 2005 Marisa Cooper wants to start a conversation with their gardener, so stick to the first option.
My aspiration in life.. would be.. to be happy - This is one of the most powerful moments of “Pretty Hurts” and should be used sparingly. If you’ve downed a few vodka sodas and one too many of your parents' friends ask you what your plans are after college, stick the ’to be happy’ in their face.
Daddy-long stroke - I don’t even know.
Got your own Bey-guistic? Join the clu(b).