February 3, 2015
The world faces a grave issue: So many people want to become vegan, but that requires, like, going to the store and stuff. Thankfully, fresh off her victory in the non-existent competition to see who had the best Super Bowl halftime show, Beyonce is here to help: Along with her personal trainer, she’s launched 22 Days Nutrition, a service that delivers weekly supplies for vegan meals.
The service, which offers various meal plans depending on how often you want to be a vegan and for how long, costs $610 for the 22-day, three meals per day option (the lowest price per meal). That’s considerably more expensive than going to Whole Foods and buying things that aren’t made from animal products, and infinitely more expensive than gnawing on tree bark and grass, which is what I imagine most vegans opt to do.
Beyonce and her husband, Mr. Beyonce, are the two biggest celebrity endorsers of the “challenge” (no word yet as to when Gwyneth Paltrow will chime in saying it was her suggestion). The “challenge” aspect, along with the 22-day moniker, are based on the notion that it takes 21 days to give up a habit.
Is eating things that contain animal products a “habit?” No, but that won’t stop plenty of people from spending upwards of a month’s rent to suggest otherwise.
If you want to be vegan (first of all, don't), buy plant products from the grocery store (which are cheap), and look up recipes for what to do with them online (which is free). Do not buy Beyonce’s (vegan) jelly. You’re not ready for it.