We’re only six weeks into 2017, but celebrities are already getting pregnant like the world might end tomorrow (it really could). There must be something in the glamorous Hollywood water, because two of the most high-profile celebrity couples, the Carters and the Clooneys, have already announced they’re expecting twins.
Beyoncé came into the picture first with that iconic Instagram post, asserting herself as both mother-to-be and real-life goddess of everything. Bey has always been a master of aesthetics, and her pregnancy looks have been SLAYING so far. She followed up her pregnancy photoshoot with the Grammys on Sunday, where she tipped backwards in a chair and accepted an award looking like a 24K gold Virgin Mary and every girl's Coachella inspiration.
Enter Amal Clooney. The human rights lawyer, who happens to be married to George Clooney, went for a more subtle approach. Amal shared her exciting news by casually mentioning it to Julie Chen, who is best known as the host of Big Brother, and presumably not known for keeping her mouth shut. George told her that it wasn’t a secret, but they just weren’t really telling anyone. Literally so casual it hurts.
So who will have the better twins? It’s obviously too early to tell, but we can talk shit either way. First, we know all the kids will dress impeccably. Amal is basically the peak of classy chic professional dress, and Beyoncé is Beyoncé. Blue Ivy’s pink tuxedo at the Grammys this weekend was an instant classic, and we have no doubt her little siblings will be very stylish.
Let’s talk gender. Beyoncé and Jay Z haven’t said anything about the gender of the twins, which is no fun. We really hope they look enough alike to remake all the Mary Kate & Ashley movies. George Clooney revealed that they’re going to have one boy and one girl, which honestly seems perfect. They’re both first-time parents, so having one of each will allow for maximum cute outfits and photo opportunities, plus less of a chance that we'll mix them up.
Possibly the most important category is potential future talents and career opportunities. The Carter twins will obviously have singing and rapping in their blood, but we’ve waited five years and still haven’t gotten a hit single from Blue Ivy, so don't hold your breath on a mixtape from the twins. But if both twins are girls, we will definitely expect the three sisters to team up for Destiny’s Child 2.0, in which Blue will definitely be the Beyoncé equivalent (sorry, Red and Yellow).
George and Amal’s twins have a lot of potential talent, like being Oscar-winning actors or ass-kicking human rights lawyers. It’s way too early to know what will happen for sure, but if they follow in their parents' footsteps, the Carter twins will be Super Bowl Halftime Show famous, and the Clooney twins will be like, Olivia Pope behind-the-scenes-power-player famous. And all children will have impeccable genes, so long as Beyoncé's genes remain dominant.
So basically, we have no fucking clue whose twins will be better or cuter or more successful. We love Beyoncé and we love the Clooneys, so for now we’ll call it a tie. Best case scenario, they all grow up and marry each other and Beyoncé and Amal are best friends and everything is perfect. If not, these kids can rest easy knowing they'll be more rich and successful by their first birthday than any of us can ever hope to be.