Billionaire Frat Guys Have a Super Secret Banking Fraternity and Other Business News

By The Betches

Being smart people who, like, don’t want to be poor, many a betch will find herself in the business world. Initially, this world might not come easy to the betch as she is bound to face challenges like actually having paying attention and needing to explain how her role as sorority social chair gave her marketable skills (short answer: it didn’t).

But, like everything else, the business world is something a betch is totally capable of conquering. Given the right chance and a sexy, HR approved blazer, a betch might find herself walking right past those douche bag sales bros and into the corner office. 

With this in mind, we’ve compiled some of the most recent business news to help keep you informed as you climb up the corporate ladder. Let’s get real, your lack of giving a shit makes you terrible housewife material anyway…

Jordan Belfort, is that you? Billionaire frat guys dress in drag and mock Hilary Clinton

A journalist recently snuck into a gathering for super-secret banking fraternity, Kappa Beta Phi, and witnessed over 200 billionaire #166 investment pros black out, dress in drag, and laugh at the financial crisis.  Also in the mix were a few homophobic remarks, jokes about Hilary Clinton having facial hair, and comments by Donnie Azoff on why he married his cousin. 

“Well, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins…”

Reflecting on his experience, the journalist concluded that “The upper ranks of finance are comprised of people who have completely divorced themselves from reality.” To that we say fucking duh. Read full article>>

Your iced coffee might get more expensive… not that you care

A recent drought in Brazil is expected to up coffee prices.  This is a problem apparently because, unlike betches, the rest of the world isn’t cool with paying $6 every day for a caramel latte.  

Wait, is that like expensive?

The expected price hike has left many looking for an alternative to their morning cup of coffee. Most people are saying that alternative is tea. We say they’re stupid; it’s obviously Adderall. Read full article>>

Donald Trump’s employees literally fire themselves now

Trump aide, Sam Nunberg, put in his resignation last Friday following what he felt was an insulting portrayal of The Donald by Buzzfeed columnist, McCay Coppins.  In a letter to Coppins, Nunberg stated that while did not “expect a love letter” he had expected an “unbiased, professional and balanced article” from the site.

We suspect Nunberg quit because he knew Trump was pissed and, like the rest of America, just didn’t want to hear him say “Ya Fired!” one more time.  That, or maybe that weird thing Trump’s hair does in the wind had really started to creep him out… Read full article>>

Tinder is actually sketchy as fuck

An internet security company has uncovered that, for several months, a flaw that made it possible to see a user’s exact location within 100 ft.  Tinder was apparently informed of the problem in late October, but did not issue a response until early December, at which point, they still had not fixed the problem.

So basically, you remember that creepy guy you were messaging? Yea…he knows where you sleep. Read full article>>

There you have it, betches. Feel free to thank us when you’re CEO at 32… or, like, let us crash at your beach house or something.




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