December 4, 2012
What do all these things have in common? They're all black, and they're all betchy. Fucking duh.
Betches love black for reasons different from those of your average person or like, a grieving widow. We don’t care that it's “slimming” because as betches who look ano in horizontal stripes, this is obvi not a concern. Betches love black because, as Anna Wintour or a Kamakura ninja will tell you, it is eternally trendy. Sure some losers might argue that black is unimaginative. They're called losers for a reason.
Black sends a fuck off vibe more extreme than Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell (off her meds). It's intimidating, never goes out of style, and it even comprises our favorite state of existence, blackout. I mean, can you imagine buying a pair of non-aviator sunglasses in like, perriwinkle? Good luck getting a nicegirl to do your homework when you walk into the library wearing that lame shit.
So betches, if you know what the fuck you’re doing with your life, paint your nails black and take off whatever oxblood cardigan you’re currently sporting and swap it out for a betchy all-black-everything ensemble. Be classy. Be chic. It’s no coincidence that the betchiest shit takes place at night.