Let’s be honest. We’re all busy af, and sometimes, we get lazy and eat crap for dinner. We don’t live in the ‘50s, and some of us don’t have housekeepers to go food shopping and cook for us. Anyway, this isn’t about me bitching; it’s about my girl, Jamiejay.
So Jamie was dating a new guy, and wanted to impress him with her “cooking.” I told her to just order from a steakhouse to ensure things went smoothly, but she listened to her older sister, who recommended she try Blue Apron, a meal delivery service that allows for pretty much anyone to cook top chef meals in like, 30 mins. You know it because you’ve seen people post their finished results on Instagram like they’re Bree Fucking Van de Kamp:
Like, no, as soon as we see the hashtag #blueapron, we know you got all your ingredients delivered farm-to-table, (blah, blah, blah) with step-by-step recipes that were created by real chefs (not your mom) . No, you’re not Bree, you just subscribed to what turned out to be a dope dinner delivery service. But hey, if you can pull it off, Mrs. Van de Kamp, why not? Blue Apron allows for that.
Anyway, Jamie totally nailed her Blue Apron pork chop and stir fry with sweet potato salad, and still found time to text me 17 photos of her outfit choices. She also texted me a picture of the meal she’d prepared as she was plating her masterpiece for her soon-to-be bae. (He legit looks like Carrie’s Big.)
Being the betch that I am, I made the photo she texted me my cover photo immediately. She died when she checked her FB, but hey, I had a newfound respect for my bestie. It blew my mind that she pulled this one off after I’d seen some revolting meals she used to prepare for herself. Here’s some of the lame ass shit we used to eat for dinner before we started cooking and sitting at the dinner table like grownups:
She was going to make avocado toast, then realized she didn’t have any toast...
Then there was that time when she actually had all the ingredients in the house...
And ate both pb & j in front of the TV watching Stranger Things.
Also the one time she really tried…
And this is the first meal she cooked for her boyfriend with Blue Apron (date 2 of like a million):
Chef credz to Jamie #meatyourheartsout
Worst break-up ever! Now that Jamie has Blue Apron in her life, she’s no longer seeing Paul:
Since that second date, she kept getting 3 meals delivered for under $60 a week with the 2-person plan. Blue Apron gives you options for all of you betchy eaters, so relax and chill - it’ll work for you. Jamie had her bae over each time, and they’re still together. They’re actually in Greece on vacation right now. Miss you, Jamiejay. Sorry I dimed you out online, but I kind of like, just made a new name for you.
Everyone else, here’s a sweet offer for you. Blue Apron is offering our readers their first 3 meals free! So go sit with a guy, a girl, your family or your dog at a dinner table and eat like an adult.